Extreme simplicity, and perfect innocence—these
were stamped upon the countenance, and were its charm.
It was a strange feeling that possessed me when I
first gazed upon her through the chaste atmosphere
that dwelt around her. It was degradation deep
and unaffected—a sense of shame and undeservedness.
I remembered with self-abhorrence the relation that
had existed between the unhappy Emma and myself, and
the enormity and disgrace of my offence never looked
so great as now, and here—in the bright
presence of unconscious purity. She reassured
and welcomed me with a natural smile, and pursued
her occupation with quiet cheerfulness and unconstraint.
I did not wonder that her father loved her, and entertained
the thought of losing her with fear; for, young and
gentle as she was, she evinced wisdom and age in her
deep sense of duty, and in the government of her happy
home. Method and order waited on her doings,
and sweetness and tranquillity—the ease
and dignity of a matron elevating and upholding the
maiden’s native modesty. And did she not
love her sire as ardently? Yes, if her virgin
soul spoke faithfully in every movement of her guileless
face. Yes, if there be truth in tones that strike
the heart to thrill it—in thoughts that
write their meaning in the watchful eye, in words
that issue straight from the fount of love, in acts
that do not bear one shade of selfish purpose.
It was not a labour of time to learn that the existence
of the child, her peace and happiness, were merged
in those of the fond parent. He was every thing
to her, as she to him. She had no brother—he
no wife: these natural channels of affection
cut away, the stream was strong and deep that flowed
into each other’s hearts. My first interview
with the young lady was necessarily limited.
I would gladly have prolonged it. The morning
was passed with my pupils, and my mind stole often
from the work before me to dwell upon the face and
form of her, whom, as a sister, I could have doated
on and cherished. How happy I should have been,
I deemed, if I had been so blessed. Useless reflection!
and yet pleased was I to dwell upon it, and to welcome
its return, as often as it recurred. At dinner
we met again. To be admitted into her presence
seemed the reward for my morning toil—a
privilege rather than a right. What labour was
too great for the advantage of such moments?—moments
indeed they were, and less—flashes of time,
that were not here before they had disappeared.
We exchanged but few words. I was still oppressed
with the conviction of my own unworthiness, and wondered
if she could read in my burning face the history of
shame. How she must avoid and despise me, thought
I, when she has discovered all, and how bold and wicked
it was to darken the light in which she lived with
the guilt that was a part of me! Not the less
did I experience this when she spoke to me with kindness
and unreserve. The feeling grew in strength.
I was conscious of deceit and fraud, and could not