The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. — Volume 04 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 392 pages of information about The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. — Volume 04.

The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. — Volume 04 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 392 pages of information about The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. — Volume 04.

Three great ladies, a valet-de-chambre, two lords, a customhouse-officer, five half-pay captains, and a baronet, (all noted gamesters,) came publicly into a church at Westminster, and deposited a very considerable sum of money in the minister’s hands; the parties, whom they had defrauded, being either out of town, or not to be found.  But so great is the hardness of heart of this fraternity, that among either the noble or vulgar gamesters, (though the profession is so general,) I did not hear of any other restitution of this sort.  At the same time I must observe, that (in comparison of these) through all parts of the town, the justice and penitence of the highwaymen, housebreakers, and common pickpockets, was very remarkable.

The directors of our public companies were in such dreadful apprehensions, that one would have thought a parliamentary inquiry was at hand; yet so great was their presence of mind, that all the Thursday morning was taken up in private transfers, which by malicious people was thought to be done with design to conceal their effects.

I forbear mentioning the private confessions of particular ladies to their husbands; for as their children were born in wedlock, and of consequence are legitimate, it would be an invidious task to record them as bastards; and particularly after their several husbands have so charitably forgiven them.

The evening and night through the whole town were spent in devotions both public and private; the churches for this one day were so crowded by the nobility and gentry, that thousands of common people were seen praying in the public streets.  In short, one would have thought the whole town had been really and seriously religious.  But what was very remarkable, all the different persuasions kept by themselves, for as each thought the other would be damned, not one would join in prayer with the other.

At length Friday came, and the people covered all the streets; expecting, watching, and praying.  But as the day wore away, their fears first began to abate, then lessened every hour, at night they were almost extinct, till the total darkness, that hitherto used to terrify, now comforted every freethinker and atheist.  Great numbers went together to the taverns, bespoke suppers, and broke up whole hogsheads for joy.  The subject of all wit and conversation was to ridicule the prophecy, and rally each other.  All the quality and gentry were perfectly ashamed, nay, some utterly disowned that they had manifested any signs of religion.

But the next day even the common people, as well as their betters, appeared in their usual state of indifference.  They drank, they whored, they swore, they lied, they cheated, they quarrelled, they murdered.  In short, the world went on in the old channel.

I need not give any instances of what will so easily be credited; but I cannot omit relating, that Mr. Woolston advertised in that very Saturday’s Evening Post, a new Treatise against the Miracles of our Saviour; and that the few who had given up their pensions the day before, solicited to have them continued:  which as they had not been thrown up upon any ministerial point, I am informed was readily granted.

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The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. — Volume 04 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.