ROBERT.

* * * * *

THE FATE OF SALVATION ARMY GENERALS.

    “Each General is, by a deed of appointment, executed and
    placed in safe custody with certain formalities, &c.”—­Gen.
    Booth’s Letter to the Times, Nov. 27.

This is dreadful!  Why should the Generals be executed?  What have they done to deserve this cruel fate?  And what is the use of placing them in safe custody after they have been executed?  And what are the “certain formalities”?  We pause for a reply to all these questions.

* * * * *

SEASONABLE.—­CHRISTMAS IS COMING.—­In the Morning Post, one day last week, appeared an announcement to the effect that Madame NOEL had left one residence in the West End for another in the same quarter.  Odd this, just now.  But go where she will, Le bon pere NOEL will be in London and the country on the 25th instant; so the best way is to prepare to receive Father Christmas.

* * * * *

SO-HO, THERE!—­Some persons think that the proper place for “The Pelican” ought still to be—­the wilderness.

* * * * *

NOVELTY.—­Quartette for three players—­“Whist! the Dumby Man!”

* * * * *

EDUCATIONAL WORK (BY C.S.  P-RN-LL).—­The Crammer’s Guide to Politics.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  IRISH ACTORS IN AMERICA.]

* * * * *

A DRESS DRAMA.

(BY A PERPLEXED PLAYWRIGHT.)

  I’ve got myself into a horrible mess,
    Of that there can be no manner of doubt,
  And my forehead is aching, because I’ve been making
    A desperate effort to get myself out,
  And I’m given away, so it seemeth to me,
  Like a threepenny vase with a pound of tea.

  I promised an actress to write her a play,
    With herself, of course, in the leading part,
  With abundance of bathos paraded as pathos,
    And a gallery death of a broken heart—­
  It’s a capital plan, I find, to try
  To arrange a part where the audience cry.

  So I quickly think of a beautiful plot,
    The interest ne’er for an instant flags;
  The sorrowful ending is almost heart-rending,
    As the heroine comes on in tatters and rags. 
  It is better than aught I have thought of before,
  And will certainly run for a twelvemonth or more.

  Yet, alas! for my prospect of glory and gain,
    She has strangled my play at its moment of birth,
  For now she has written to say she is smitten
    With the newest designs and creations of WORTH,
  And to quote her own words—­“As a matter of fact,
  I’ve a couple of costumes for every act.”