Auct. Now ’ere’s a tasteful thing, Gentlemen.  Lot. 41. “Nymph eating Oysters” ("Nymph ’ere, Gen’lm’n!"), by the celebrated Italian artist VABENE, one of the finest works of Art in this room, and they’re all exceedingly fine works of Art; but this is truly a work of Art, Gentlemen.  What shall we say for her, eh? (Silence.) Why, Gentlemen, no more appreciation than that?  Come, don’t be afraid of it.  Make a beginning. (Bidding starts.) Forty-five guineas.  Forty-six—­pounds.  Forty-six pounds only, this remarkable specimen of modern Italian Art.  Forty-six and a ’arf.  Only forty-six ten bid for it.  Give character to any gentleman’s collection, a figure like this would.  Forty-seven pounds—­guineas! and a ’arf....  Forty-seven and a ’arf guineas....  For the last time!  Bidding with you, Sir.  Forty-seven guineas and a ’arf—­Gone!  Name, Sir, if you please.  Oh, money?  Very well.  Thank you.

Proud Purchaser (to Friend, in excuse for his extravagance).  You see, I must have something for that grotto I’ve got in the grounds.

His Friend.  If she was mine, I should put her in the hall, and have a gaslight fitted in the oyster-shell.

P.P. (thoughtfully).  Not a bad idea.  But electric light would be more suitable, and easier to fix too.  Yes—­we’ll see.

The Obl.  Broker (pursuing the Am.  Spect.).  I ’ope, Sir, you’ll remember me, next time you’re this way.

The Am.  Spect. (who has only ransomed himself by taking over an odd lot, consisting of imitation marble fruit, a model, under crystal, of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and three busts of Italian celebrities of whom he has never heard).  I’m afraid I shan’t have very much chance of forgetting you. Good afternoon!

    [Exit hurriedly, dropping the fruit, as Scene closes.

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[Illustration:  PRIVATE THEATRICALS.

Fond Parent (to Professional Lady).  “TELL ME, MISS LE VAVASOUR, DID MY SON ACQUIT HIMSELF CREDITABLY AT THIS AFTERNOON’S REHEARSAL?”

Miss Le Vavasour.  “WELL, MY LORD,—­IF YOUR SON ONLY ACTS THE LOVER ON THE STAGE HALF AS ENERGETICALLY AS HE DOES IN THE GREEN-ROOM, THE PIECE WILL BE A SUCCESS!”]

* * * * *

FROM OUR MUSIC HALL.

I had a fine performance at my little place last week.  Gave the Elijah with a chorus whose vigorous delivery and precision were excellent, and except for uncertain intonation of soprani in first chorus, I think though perhaps I say it who shouldn’t, I never heard better chorussing within my walls.  Madame SCHMIDT-KOEHNE has a good voice, but I can’t say I approve of her German method, nor do I like embellishments of text, even when they can be justified.  The contralto, Madame SVIATLOVSKY (O Heavenly name that ends in sky!) is not what I should have expected, coming to us with such a name.  Perhaps not heard to advantage:  perhaps ’vantage to me if I hadn’t heard her.  But Miss SARAH BERRY brought down the house just as SAMSON did, and we were Berry’d all alive, O, and applauding beautifully. Brava, Miss SARAH BERRY!