CULVER (resigned).  Very well!  Very well!  Tell them to call me, and see cook about breakfast. (Beginning to dictate.) ’My dear Lord Woking’—­

MISS STARKEY (sitting).  Excuse me, is this letter about the title?

CULVER.  Yes.

MISS STARKEY.  Then it ought to be an autograph letter.  That’s the etiquette.

CULVER.  How do you know?

MISS STARKEY.  General knowledge.

CULVER.  In this case the rule will be broken.  That’s flat.

MISS STARKEY.  Then I must imitate your handwriting.

CULVER.  Can you?

MISS STARKEY.  You ought to know, Mr. Culver—­by this time.

CULVER.  I don’t know officially.  However, have your own way.  Forge the whole thing, signature and all.  I don’t care.  ’My dear Lord Woking.  Extreme pressure of—­er—­government business has compelled me to leave till last thing to-night my reply to your letter in which you are good enough to communicate to me the offer of a baronetcy.  I cannot adequately express to you my sense of the honour in contemplation, but, comma, for certain personal reasons with which I need not trouble you, comma, I feel bound, with the greatest respect and the greatest gratitude, to ask to be allowed to refuse. (Miss Starkey shows emotion.) I am sure I can rely on you to convey my decision to the proper quarter with all your usual tact.  Believe me, my dear Lord Woking, Cordially yours.’ (To Miss Starkey.) What in heaven’s name is the matter with you?

MISS STARKEY.  Mr. Culver.  I shall have to give you a month’s notice.

CULVER (staggered).  Have—­have you gone mad too?

MISS STARKEY.  Not that I am aware of.  But I must give a month’s notice—­for certain personal reasons with which I need not trouble you.  CULVER.  Young woman, you know that you are absolutely indispensable to me.  You know that without you I should practically cease to exist.  I am quite open with you as to that—­and as to everything.  You are acquainted with the very depths of my character and the most horrible secrets of my life.  I conceal nothing from you, and I demand that you conceal nothing from me.  What are your reasons for giving me notice in this manner?

MISS STARKEY.  My self respect would not allow me to remain with a gentleman who had refused a title.  Oh, Mr. Culver, to be the private secretary to a baronet has been my life’s dream.  And—­and—­I have just had the offer of a place where a peerage is in prospect.  Still, I wouldn’t have, taken even that if you had not—­if you had not—­(controlling herself, coldly).  Kindly accept my notice.  I give it at once because I shall have no time to lose for the peerage.

CULVER.  Miss Starkey, you drive me to the old, old conclusion—­all women are alike.

MISS STARKEY.  Then my leaving will cause you no inconvenience, because you’ll easily get another girl exactly like me.