TRANTO. Why not?
CULVER. I never have.
TRANTO. How old are you?
CULVER. Forty-four.
TRANTO. And you’ve never sacrificed a principle?
CULVER. Never.
TRANTO. Then it’s high time you began. And you’d better begin, before it’s too late. Besides, there are no principles in married life.
CULVER. Tranto, you are remarkable. How did you find that out?
TRANTO. I’ve often noticed it.
CULVER. It’s a profound truth. It throws a new light on the entire situation.
TRANTO. It does.
CULVER. Then you deliberately advise me to give way about the title?
TRANTO. I do.
CULVER. Strange! (Casually.) I had thought of doing so, but I never dreamt you’d agree, and I’d positively determined to act on your advice. You know, you’re taking an immense responsibility.
TRANTO. I can bear that. What I couldn’t bear is any kind of real trouble in this house.
CULVER. Why? What’s it got to do with you?
TRANTO. Nothing! Nothing! Only my abstract interest in the institution of marriage.
CULVER (ringing the bell twice). Ah, well, after all, I’m not utterly beaten yet. I’ve quite half an hour before post goes, and I shall fight to the last ditch.
TRANTO. But hasn’t Mrs. Culver retired?
CULVER. Yes.
TRANTO. May I suggest that it would be mistaken tactics to—er—run after her?
CULVER. It would.
TRANTO. Well then?
CULVER. She will return.
TRANTO. How do you know?
CULVER. She always does.... No, Tranto, I may yet get peace on my own terms. You see I’m an accountant. No ordinary people, accountants! For one thing they make their money by counting other people’s. I’ve known accountants do marvellous stunts.
Enter Miss Starkey, back.
TRANTO. I’ll leave you.
CULVER. You’ll find John somewhere about. I shan’t be so very long—I hope. Miss Starkey, kindly take down these two letters. How much time have we before post goes?
(Exit Tranto, back.)
MISS STARKEY. Forty minutes.
CULVER. Excellent.
MISS STARKEY (indicating some papers which she has brought). These things ought to be attended to to-night.
CULVER. Possibly. But they won’t be.
MISS STARKEY. The Rosenberg matter is very urgent. He leaves for Glasgow to-morrow.
CULVER. I wish he’d leave for Berlin. I won’t touch it to-night. Please take down these two letters.
MISS STARKEY. Then it will be necessary for you to be at the office at 9.30 in the morning.
CULVER. I decline to be at the office at 9.30 in the morning.
MISS STARKEY. But I’ve an appointment for you. I was afraid you wouldn’t do anything to-night.