“But there is a strange contradiction about Mrs. Wiseacre, for though it appears that all her friends’ misfortunes proceed from neglecting her advice, it is no less apparent, by her account, that her own are all occasioned by following the advice of others.  She is for ever doing foolish things, and laying the blame upon her neighbours.  Thus, ’Had it not been for my friend Mrs. Jobbs there, I never would have parted with my house for an old song as I did;’ or, ’It was entirely owing to Miss Glue’s obstinacy that I was robbed of my diamond necklace, or, ’I have to thank my friend Colonel Crack for getting my carriage smashed to pieces.’  In short, she has the most comfortable repository of stupid friends to have recourse to, of anybody I ever knew.  Now what I have to warn you against, Mary, is the sin of ever listening to any of her advices.  She will preach to you about the pinning of your gown and the curling of your hair till you would think it impossible not to do exactly what she wants you to do.  She will inquire with the greatest solicitude what shoemaker you employ, and will shake her head most significantly when she hears it is any other than her own.  But if ever I detect you paying the smallest attention to any of her recommendations, positively I shall have done with you.”

Mary laughingly promised to turn a deaf ear to all Mrs. Wiseacre’s wisdom; and her cousin proceeded: 

“Then here follows a swarm as, thick as idle motes in sunny ray,’ and much of the same importance, methinks, in the scale of being.  Married ladies only celebrated for their good dinners, or their pretty equipages, or their fine jewels.  How I should scorn to be talked of as the appendage to any soups or pearls!  Then there are the daughters of these ladies—­Misses, who are mere misses, and nothing more.  Oh! the insipidity of a mere Miss! a soft simpering thing with pink cheeks, and pretty hair, and fashionable clothes sans eyes for anything but lovers_-sans_ ears for anything but flattery—­sans taste for anything but balls_—­sans_ brains for anything at all!  Then there are ladies who are neither married nor young, and who strive with all their might to talk most delightfully, that the charms of their conversation may efface the marks of the crows’ feet; but ’all these I passen by, and nameless numbers moe.’  And now comes the Hon. Mrs. Downe Wright, a person of considerable shrewdness and penetration—­vulgar, but unaffected.  There is no politeness, no gentleness in her heart; but she possesses some warmth, much honesty, and great hospitality.  She has acquired the character of being—­oh, odious thing!—­a clever woman!  There are two descriptions of clever women, observe; the one is endowed with corporeal cleverness—­the other with mental; and I don’t know which of the two is the greater nuisance to society; the one torments you with her management—­the other with her smart sayings; the one is for ever rattling her bunch of keys in your ears—­the other