But the usage which I received in my father’s house, unknown to him I am sure, is shocking to relate.  My going to listen at his door, the only comfort left me, to hear if he was asleep was denied me.  All my keys were taken from, me—­my letters—­my very garters.  My maid-servant never came near me, helpless as I was by grief and fits.  This I bore patiently, being fearful of disturbing my father, as our rooms joined.  The man who was with me can witness to my sufferings, how often I wished for instant death to take me, and spare my dear father, whom never child loved better; whose death alone, unattended with these misfortunes, would have been an excessive shock to me.

When Dr. Addington, and Dr. Lewis (who was called in it seems) came into the room, and told me, that nothing could save my ever dear father; for a considerable time I sat like a stone image; and then told them, that I had given my poor father some powders which Cranstoun had given me, and feared those had hurt my father, though Cranstoun assured me that they would not.

It is not in human nature to declare what I suffered at that time.  God grant that no one ever may again.

When my father was dead, though mistress of myself, my keys, servants, two horses in the stable, all my own; yet I never quitted my room.  Though none dared to molest me, I never stirred.  They say, that I walked about my room for hours; but I hardly remember anything.  Much is now said of my trying to bribe my servants.  How contrary to truth!  As for bribing Betty my cook; of all my servants she was my greatest enemy throughout my misfortunes; and an attempt to bribe her must surely be the strongest instance of lunacy, of one not in her right mind.  I own I should have been glad not to have gone to jail; as who would not?  But then I would with pleasure have resigned myself up at the Assizes, and stood the chance of life or death.  I did not at that time imagine, that I had such enemies, or that human nature could be so wicked and abandoned.  On the Thursday my father was to be opened.  In the morning Suzanna Gunnel sent for me, being indisposed:  When I saw her, she begged that I would bring Mr. Cranstoun to justice, which was the request and command of her dying master; and that if anything gave him concern in his last moments, it was an apprehension of his escaping, being a man of quality, and interest among the great.  I replied that I would do all in my power, and went down into my room again.

Soon after Dr. Lewis came into my room, and I found by him that my poor father’s body was to be opened as that morning.  As soon as he was gone, I could not bear to stay in the house, but walked out.  Let reason judge whether I intended an escape.  My dress was an half-sack and petticoat, made for a hoop, and the sides very long; neither man nor horse to assist me; and, as they say, I walked as slow as foot could fall; half the town at my heels; and but for the mercy of a woman, who sheltered me in her house, had perhaps lost my life.  When I was sent for back by the Justices, the gentlemen who conveyed me to my house, witnessed that I thanked him.  Surely this cannot be interpreted an attempt to escape.