and, in reply to his renewed inquiries, a serious
coachman offered up to the vengeance of this Moloch
of methodism the mischievous postilion, who had that
morning detected the not always sober son of the whip
in other devotions than those to which he professed
exclusive addiction. When I saw the rage of all
parties, I thought of the roasted Indians of the Brazils,
and shuddered for the poor lad. After a short,
but inquisitorial examination, in which he in vain
endeavoured to throw the blame on me, he was stripped
of his gaudy dress, and in spite of his well-founded
protestations of innocence, turned almost naked from
the house. When peace was restored, a hymn was
sung as an exorcism of the evil spirit that had gotten
among the assembly; when, being determined to exculpate
the poor postilion, I joined with all my force in the
chorus, with my Catholic “Gloria in excelsis,”
which I abruptly changed into “Polly put the
kettle on.” Thus taken in the fact, I was,
without ceremony, denounced as an emissary from Clongowes,
brought to Sourcraut Hall by the Papist O’Gallagher,
with a forged letter, to disturb the community.
I was immediately cross-examined by a religious attorney,
as if I had been a white-boy or a ribbon-man.
“Come forward,” he said, “you bird
of satan!—speak out, and answer for yourself,
for its yourself can do it, you egg of the devil!
What brought you here?” I answered, “It
was all for my sweet sowl’s sake, jewel!”—and
the answer decided my fate, without more to do.
And now loaded with all the reproaches that the odium
theologicum could suggest, I was cuffed, hunted,
and finally driven out of the gates by the serious
coachman, to perish on the highway. On recovering
from my fright, I found myself at the edge of a dry
ditch, where the poor shivering postilion sat lamenting
his martyrdom. I went up to him, cowering and
chattering; and at the sight of me the tears dried
on his dirty cheeks—his sobs changed to
a laugh of delight; and when I hopped on his wrist,
and cried “Poor Pat,” all his sufferings
were forgotten. While thus occupied, a little
carriage, drawn by a superb horse, with the reins
thrown loose on his beautiful neck, ascended the hill.
At the sight I screamed out “Get along out of
that!” which so frightened the high-blooded creature
that he started, and flung the two persons in the
carriage fairly into the middle of the road.
One of them, in a military dress, sprung at once on
his feet, and laying the whip across the naked shoulders
of the postilion, exclaimed, “I’ll teach
you, you little villain, to break people’s necks.”
“Oh! murther! murther!” cried the poor
boy, “shure, it was not me, plase your honour,
only the parrot, Captain.” “What parrot,
you lying rascal?” “There, Captain, Sir,
look forenenst you.” The captain did look
up, and saw me perched on the branch of a scrubby
hawthorn-tree. Surprised and amused, he exclaimed,
“By Jove! how odd! What a magnificent bird!
Why Poll, what the deuce brought you here?”