“Arrest that man there!  Arrest that willin!  I see him do it.  I see him stab that other one with his knife until the blood spurted out.  Oh, you wretch!  Oh, you willinous rascal, to take human life in that scandalous manner!  I see you punch him with the knife, you butcher, you! and I’ll swear it agin you in court, too, you owdacious rascal!”

They took her into the rear car and soothed her, while the victim wiped the catsup off his coat.  But that venerable old woman will go down to the silent grave with the conviction that she witnessed in those cars one of the most awful and sanguinary encounters that has occurred since the affair between Cain and Abel.

* * * * *

Dr. Dox recently was called upon to settle a bet upon a much more serious matter than a horse-race.  During a religious controversy between Peter Lamb and some of his friends one of the latter asserted that Peter didn’t know who was the mother-in-law of Moses, and that he couldn’t ascertain.  Peter offered to bet that he could find out, and the wager was accepted.  After searching in vain through the Scriptures, Mr. Lamb concluded to go around and interview Deacon Jones about it.  The deacon is head-man in the gas-office, and in the office there are half a dozen small windows, behind which sit clerks to receive money.  Applying at one of these, Mr. Lamb said,

“Is Deacon Jones in?”

“What’s your business?”

“Why, I want to find out the name of Moses’—­”

“Don’t know anything about it.  Look in the directory;” and the clerk slammed the window shut.

Then Peter went to the next window and said,

“I want to see Mr. Jones a minute.”

“What for?”

“I want to see if he knows Moses’—­”

“Moses who?”

“Why, Moses, the Bible Moses—­if he knows—­”

“Patriarchs don’t belong in this department.  Apply across the street at the Christian Association rooms;” and then the clerk closed the window.

At the next window Mr. Lamb said,

“I want to see Deacon Jones a minute in reference to a matter about Moses.”

“Want to pay his gas-bill?  What’s the last name?”

“Oh no.  I mean the first Moses, the original one.”

“Anything the matter with his meter?”

“You don’t understand me.  I refer to the Hebrew prophet.  I want to see—­”

“Well, you can’t see him here.  This is the gas-office.  Try next door.”

At the adjoining window Mr. Lamb said,

“Look here!  I want to see Deacon Jones a minute about the prophet Moses, and I wish you’d tell him so.”

“No, I won’t,” replied the clerk.  “He’s too busy to be bothered with-anything of that kind.”

“But I must see him,” said Peter; “I insist on seeing him.  The fact of the matter is, I’ve got a bet about Moses’—­”

“Don’t make any difference what you’ve got; you can’t see him.”