Mr. Biles’ theory interested the judge, but the argument did not convince him.  And so the judge resolved to buy a cow and obtain pure milk, without regard for the alleged views of Professor Huxley.  Accordingly, he purchased a cow of a man named Smith, who lives over at the Rising Sun.  She was warranted to be fresh and a first-rate milker.  When Judge Twiddler got her home, he asked his hired man, Mooney, if he knew how to milk a cow, and Mooney said of course he did.  The animal, therefore, was consigned to Mooney’s care.  On the next day, however, Mooney came into the house to see the judge, and he said,

“Judge, that man cheated you in that cow.  Why, she’s the awfullest old beast that ever stood on four legs Dry as punk; hasn’t got a drop of milk in her.  That’s a positive fact.  I’ve been trying to milk her for three or four hours, and can’t get a drop.  Might as well attempt to milk a clothes-horse.  Regular fraud!”

“This is very extraordinary,” exclaimed the judge.

“Yes, sir; and she’s wicked.  I never saw such a disposition in a cow.  Why, while I was working with her she kicked like a flint-lock musket; butted and rared around.  I’d rather fool with a tiger than with a cow like that.”

So the judge drove over to the Rising Sun to see Smith about it; and when he complained that Smith had sold him a worthless and vicious beast, and a dry cow at that, Smith said there must be some mistake about it.  He agreed to go back with the judge and investigate the matter.  When they reached the judge’s stable, Mooney was not about, but Smith descended from the wagon, approached the cow, and, to the astonishment of the judge, milked her without the slightest difficulty, the cow meantime remaining perfectly quiet, and even breaking out now and then into what the judge thought looked like smiles of satisfaction.  And then the judge went out to hunt up his hired man.  He said to him,

“Mooney, what did you mean by telling me that our cow was dry and ugly?  You said you couldn’t milk her, but Mr. Smith does so without any difficulty, and the cow remains perfectly passive.”

“I’d like to see him do it,” said Mooney, incredulously.

Then Smith sat down and proceeded to perform the operation again.  When he began, Mooney exclaimed,

“Why, my gracious! that isn’t the way you milk a cow, is it?”

“Of course it is,” replied Smith.  “How else would you do it?”

“Well, well! and that’s the way you milk, is it?  I see now I didn’t go about it exactly right.  Why, you know, I never had much experience at the business; I was brought up in town, and, be George, when I tackled her, I threw her over on her back and tried to milk her with a clothes-pin.  I see now I was wrong.  We live and learn, don’t we?”

[Illustration:  THE JUDGE’S COW]

So Smith went home, and the cow remained, and the judge’s man waxes stronger in experience with the mysteries of existence daily.