Major Slott, like most other editors, is continually persecuted by bores, but recently he was the victim of a peculiarly dastardly attack from a person of this class.  While he was sitting in the office of the Patriot, writing an editorial about “Our Grinding Monopolies,” he suddenly became conscious of the presence of a fearful smell.  He stopped, snuffed the air two or three times, and at last lighted a cigar to fumigate the room.  Then he heard footsteps upon the stairs, and as they drew nearer the smell grew stronger.  When it had reached a degree of intensity that caused the major to fear that it might break some of the furniture, there was a knock at the door.  Then a man entered with a bundle under his arm, and as he did so the major thought that he had never smelt such a fiendish smell in the whole course of his life.  He held his nose; and when the man saw the gesture, he said,

“I thought so; the usual effect.  You hold it tight while I explain.”

“What hab you god id that buddle?” asked the major.

“That, sir,” said the man, “is Barker’s Carbolic Disinfecting Door-mat.  I am Barker, and this is the mat.  I invented it, and it’s a big thing.”

“Is id thad thad smells so thudderig bad?” asked the major, with his nostrils tightly shut.

“Yes, sir; smells very strong, but it’s a healthy smell.  It’s invigorating.  It braces the system.  I’ll tell you—­”

“Gid oud with the blabed thig!” exclaimed the major.

“I must tell you all about it first.  I called to explain it to you.  You see I’ve been investigating the causes of epidemic diseases.  Some scientists think they are spread by molecules in the air; others attribute them to gases generated in the sewers; others hold that they are conveyed by contagion; but I—­”

“Aid you goig to tague thad idferdal thig away frob here?” asked the major.

“But I have discovered that these diseases are spread by the agency of door-mats.  Do you understand?  Door-mats!  And I’ll explain to you how it’s done.  Here’s a man who’s been in a house where there’s disease.  He gets it on his boots.  The leather is porous, and it becomes saturated.  He goes to another house and wipes his boots on the mat.  Now, every man who uses that mat must get some of the stuff on his boots, and he spreads it over every other door-mat that he wipes them on.  Now, don’t he?”

“Why dode you tague thad sbell frob udder by dose?”

“Well, then, my idea is to construct a door-mat that will disinfect those boots.  I do it by saturating the mat with carbolic acid and drying it gradually.  I have one here prepared by my process.  Shall I unroll it?”

“If you do, I’ll blow your braids out!” shouted the major.

“Oh, very well, then.  Now, the objection to this beautiful invention is that it possesses a very strong and positive odor.”

“I’ll bed it does,” said the major.