I was examined again without making any disclosure, but after receiving the written command of the Duchess I wrote out a declaration of all that I knew and was a few days later set at liberty, after two years of captivity.  I went down at once to Sceaux, where I was affectionately received by my mistress.

Returning to Paris two days later, to fetch my things from the Bastille, I called at the Convent of the Presentation, and found in the parlour the Chevalier de Menil.  I was astonished at his manner, no less than by what he said; it was evidently that his only desire was to break his engagement with me.  I realised that the man was without honour or kindness, and yet it was difficult to detach my affections from him.

It was about a year later that M. Dacier was introduced to me, after the death of his wife, by the Duchess de La Ferte, and an ardent desire for liberty from my condition of servitude led me to accept his proposal of marriage, subject only to be the permission of my Duchess.  This she was reluctant to give, and the matter was still under discussion when we heard of M. Dacier’s sudden death.

The rest of my life, though it has been a long one, contains little of interest.  I found myself without any object to live for, and a strange deadness of feeling came over me, harder to bear than illness or death.  I had a distaste for existence and a horror of the world, and desired nothing more than to hide myself away.  A little pension had been secured for me; my mistress had fallen dangerously ill; I wished to leave Sceaux in order to run away from a new attachment which was gaining power over me; and the thought of entering a Carmelite house became a settled project.  But I was refused even this last refuge; the prioress deciding that I had no vocation for the religious life.

I spent several years without coming to any harmony either with myself or with fortune.  Several offers of marriage were made to me, but I could not bring myself to accept any of them, until a sudden fancy for the sweet simplicities of country life led me to agree to a marriage with M. de Staal.

A few days after my marriage I heard of the death of the Duchess of Maine.  I never knew a more perfectly reasonable woman.  She was all feeling; even her thoughts were really sentiments; she was lively without moodiness, impassioned without violence, always animated; sweet and sensible.  There was a vivid warmth about her, that made her a perfectly gracious friend.

* * * * *

EARL STANHOPE

Life of William Pitt