Chapter VIII

In which the Widow lays a trap for Mr Vanslyperken, and Smallbones lays a trap for Snarleyyow, and both bag their game.

The widow Vandersloosh, as we have informed the reader, was the owner of a Lust Haus, or pleasure-house for sailors:  we will describe that portion of her tenements more particularly by-and-bye:  at present, we must advert to her own private house, which stood adjoining, and had a communication with the Lust Haus by a private door through the party wall.  This was a very small, snug little habitation, with one window in each front, and two stories high; containing a front parlour and kitchen on the basement, two small rooms on the first, and two on the second floor.  Nothing could be better arranged for a widow’s residence.  Moreover, she had a back-yard running the whole length of the wall of the Lust Haus in the rear, with convenient offices, and a back-door into the street behind.

Mr Vanslyperken had arrived, paid his humble devoirs to the widow, more humble, because he was evidently pleased with his own person, and had been followed by Smallbones, who laid the biscuit by the scraper at the door, watching it as in duty bound.  The lieutenant imagined that he was more graciously received than usual.  Perhaps he was, for the widow had not had so much custom lately, and was glad the crew of the cutter were arrived to spend their money.  Already had Vanslyperken removed his sword and belt, and laid them with his three-cornered laced hat on the side-table; he was already cosily, as of wont, seated upon the widow’s little fubsy sofa, with the lady by his side, and he had just taken her hand and was about to renew his suit, to pour forth the impromptu effusions of his heart, concocted on the quarter-deck of the Yungfrau, when who should bolt into the parlour but the unwelcome Snarleyyow.

“O that nasty brute!  Mynheer Vanslyperken, how dare you bring him into my house?” cried the widow, jumping up from the sofa, with her full-moon-face red with anger.

“Indeed, widow,” replied Vanslyperken, “I left him on board, knowing that you were not fond of animals; but some one has brought him on shore.  However, I’ll find out who it was, and keel-haul him in honour of your charms.”

“I am fond of animals, Mr Vanslyperken, but I am not fond of such animals as that—­such a filthy, ugly, disagreeable, snarling brute; nor can I think how you can keep him after what I have said about it.  It don’t prove much regard, Mr Vanslyperken, when such a dog as that is kept on purpose to annoy me.”

“I assure you, widow—­”

“Don’t assure me, Mr Vanslyperken, there’s no occasion—­your dog is your own—­but I’ll thank you to take him out of this house; and, perhaps, as he won’t go without you, you had better go with him.”