The following suggestions may serve to indicate some of the lines of thought that you might follow:—­

(1) State where you sent your first manuscript.

(2) What you thought of it, and of the Editor who returned it.

(3) Your height and chest measurement (an Editor likes to be on the safe side).

(4) State who persuaded you to take up literature, and give height and chest measurement of same.

(5) Give a short but optimistic description of your contribution, not to exceed in length the contribution itself.

(6) State whether literary genius is rife in your family or has been rife at any time since 1066.

(7) Give a list of journals to which you have already sent the enclosed contribution, and state your reasons for supposing that the Editors were misguided.  Hint that perhaps, after all, their lack of enterprise was fortunate for the present recipient.

(8) Mention your hobbies and the different appointments you have held since the age of twelve, with names and addresses of employers.  Also give your reasons for remaining as long as you did in each situation.

(9) State how long you have been a subscriber to the journal you are electing to honour, and whether you think it’s worth the money.  Point out any little improvements you consider desirable in its compilation, and mention other periodicals as perfect examples.  Preface these remarks with some such phrase as this:  “Pray don’t think I want to teach you your business, but—­”

(10) Give full list (names and addresses) of friends who have promised to buy the paper if your contribution appears.

(11) Give a brief outline, in faultless English, of your religious, political and police court convictions, your views on Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, and any ideas you may have about the Law of Copyright.

Finally, enclose a stamped and addressed envelope for the return of your article.

* * * * *

    “It has always been supposed that Charles I. when Prince of
    Wales and travelling incognito with the Duke of Buckingham saw
    and fell in love with Marie Antoinette.”

Not by us.  We always supposed he fell in love with SARAH BERNHARDT.

* * * * *

THE SAME OLD STORY.

We stood in a circle round the parrot’s cage and gazed with interest at its occupant.  She (Evangeline) was balancing easily on one leg, while with the other leg and her beak she tried to peel a monkey-nut.  There are some of us who hate to be watched at meals, particularly when dealing with the dessert, but Evangeline is not of our number.

“There,” said Mrs. Atherley, “isn’t she a beauty?”

I felt that, as the last to be introduced, I ought to say something.

“What do you say to a parrot?” I whispered to Miss Atherley.

“Have a banana,” suggested Archie.