THE BRITISH WEEKLY.—­All readers of The British Weekly are insured for L1,000 in the event of heart-failure caused by shock while reading the thrilling stories provided by SILAS, JOSEPH, TIMOTHY and JEREMIAH HOCKING.

THE RECORD.—­L500 will be paid to any annual subscriber forcibly detained in a convent, provided that at the time of such detention a copy of the current issue of The Record be in his possession.  L1,000 will be paid to the legal representatives of any reader burnt at the stake.

THE CRICCIETH CHRONICLE.—­L3 a week for life, together with a poultry farm on a Sutherland deer-forest, to the owner of any shorn lamb which is found dead in a snow-drift with a copy of the current issue wrapt round it, to keep it warm.

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The great world rolls on, but of the master-brains which direct its movement the man in the street knows nothing.  He has never heard of the Clerk of the Portland Urban District Council; he is entirely ignorant of Army Order 701.

“Dear Sir” (writes the Clerk)—­“A meeting of the Underhill Members of the Council will be held to-morrow (Saturday), at 3 o’clock p.m., in Spring Gardens (Fortuneswell) for the purpose of selecting a site for the Telegraph Post.”

    “With effect from 1st January, 1914” (says the Army Order)
    “rewigging of gun sponges will be done by the Ordnance
    Department instead of locally as at present.”

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“Inman was seen to greater advantage at yesterday afternoon’s session in this match of 18,000 up, in Edinburgh, than on any previous day of the match, scoring 1,083 while Aiken was aggregating the mentally afflicted.”—­Nottingham Guardian.

One must amuse oneself somehow while the other man is at the table.

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[Illustration:  A SEA-CHANGE.

TORY CHORUS (to WINSTON).  “YOU’VE MADE ME LOVE YOU; I DIDN’T WANT TO
DO IT.”]

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[Illustration:  Amiable Uncle (doing some conjuring to amuse the children).  “SEE, HERE I HAVE A BILLIARD BALL—­I AM GOING TO TURN IT INTO SOMETHING ELSE.”

First Bored Youngster (to second ditto).  “WHY SHOULD HE?  IT’S A VERY NICE BALL.”]

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WHAT TO TELL AN EDITOR.

In view of The Daily Mail’s praiseworthy efforts to instruct applicants for situations in the correct phrasing of letters to prospective employers, we propose to supply a similar long-felt want, and give a little advice as to the kind of letter it is desirable to enclose with contributions to periodicals.

Begin your letter in a friendly vein, hoping the Editor and his people are pretty well.  Remember also that Editors like to know something of the characters and histories of their contributors.  So let your communication include a resume of your personal and literary career.  Don’t fall into the error of making your letter too concise.