[They cross to “The Shades,” where Mr. MUGSNAP wins upon his companion by his hearty style, and all difficulties in the way of “an early advance” are smoothed away in a highly satisfactory manner.  A couple of references, of course, “just as a matter of form,” and a couple of guineas for visiting them.  Not an Inquiry Fee, oh! dear no, merely “expenses.”  Some people apply for a loan, and, when everything is arranged, actually decline to receive it!  Must provide against that, you knew.  Within three days at the outside, Mr. SOFTSHELL is assured, that money will be in his hands without fail.  Meanwhile the “couple o’ guineas” leave his hands, and Mr. MUGSNAP leaves him, hopeful, and admiring.

I.P. (strolling homeward).  Very pleasant person, Mr. MUGSNAP.  Quite a pleasure to deal with him.  Sharks, indeed!  How worthy people get misrepresented!  By the way, though, there’s one question I forgot to ask him.  I’ll just step back.  Don’t suppose he has gone yet.

[Returns to No. 14, Fitz-Guelph Mansions.  Knocks, and is answered by smart and austere-looking Domestic.

I.P.  Oh, just tell Mr. MUGSNAP I should like just one word more with him.  Won’t detain him a moment.

Austere Domestic.  Mr. MUGSNAP!  And who’s Mr. MUGSNAP, pray?  Don’t know any sech persing.

I.P.  Oh yes, he lives here.  Met him, by appointment, only an hour ago.  Hasn’t he returned?

A.D. (emphatically).  I tell you there ain’t no Mr. MUGSNAP lives here at all.

I.P.  Oh dear, yes!  Stout gentleman—­military appearance—­white waistcoat!

A.S. (scornfully).  Oh, him!  I saw sech a party ’anging about suspiciously awhile ago, and spoke to the perliceman about him.  But I don’t know him, and he don’t live here! [Shuts door sharply.

I.P. (perspiring profusely, as the state of things dawns upon him! ) Phew!  I see it all.  “A plant.” That’s why he met me on the door-step.  Of course he doesn’t live here at all.  Gave a respectable address, and watched for me outside! And the sleek-spoken shark is gone!  So are my two guineas!

[Retires a sadder, and a wiser man.

* * * * *

THE MAN OF SCIENCE.

    [It has been suggested, with reference to an amusing article
    in Blackwood, on a new religion, that science is equal to
    it.]

PROFESSOR PROTOPLASM sings:—­

  I’m a mighty man of science, and on that I place reliance,
    And I hurl a stern defiance at what other people say: 
  Learning’s torch I fiercely kindle, with my HAECKEL, HUXLEY, TYNDALL,
    And all preaching is a swindle, that’s the motto of to-day. 
  I’d give the wildest latitude to each agnostic attitude,
    And everything’s a platitude