First Sardonic Attendant (at doorway).  Reg’lar turnin’ em away to-night, we are!

Second Sardonic Attendant.  He come up to me afore he goes to the pay-box, and sez he—­“Is there a seat left?” he sez.  And I sez to ’im, “Well, I think we can manage to squeeze you in somewhere.”  Like that, I sez.

[The Orchestra, consisting of two thin-armed little girls, with pigtails, enter, and perform a stumbling Overture upon a cracked piano.  Herr Von KAMBERWOHL, the Conjuror, appears on platform, amidst loud clapping from two obvious Confederates in a back row.

Herr V. K. (in a mixed accent). Lyties and Shentilmans, pefoor I co-mence viz my hillusions zis hevenin’, I ’ave, most hemphadically to repoodiate hall hassistance from hany spirrids or soopernatural beins vatsohever.  All I shall ’ave ze honour of showing you will be perform by simple Sloight of ’and, or Ledger-dee-Mang! (He invites any member of the Audience to step up and assist him, but the spectators remain coy.) I see zat I ’ave not to-night so larsh an orjence to select from as usual, still I ’ope——­(Here one of the obvious Confederates slouches up, and joins him on the platform. ) Ah, zat is goot!  I am vair moch oblige to you, Sare. (The Confederate grins sheepishly.) Led me see—­I seem to remember your face some’ow. (Broader grin from Confederate.) Hah, you vos ’ere last night?—­zat exblains it!  But you ’ave nevaire assist me befoor, eh? (Reckless shake of the head from Confederate.) I thought nod. Vair veil.  You ’ave nevaire done any dricks mit carts—­no?  Bot you vill dry?  You nevaire dell vat you gan do till you dry, as ze ole sow said ven she learn ze halphabet. (He pauses for a laugh—­which doesn’t come.) Now, Sare, you know a cart ven you see ’im?  Ah, zat is somtings alretty!  Now I vill ask you to choose any cart or carts out of zis back. (The Confederate fumbles.) I don’t vish to ’urry you—­but I vant you to mike ’aste—­&c, &c.

The Man in Evening Dress.  I remember giving BIMBO, the Wizard of the West, a guinea once to teach me that trick—­there was nothing in it.

First Lady in Plush Cloak.  And can you do it?

The M. in E.D. (guardedly).  Well, I don’t know that I could exactly do it now—­but I know how it’s done.

[He explains elaborately how it is done.

Herr Von K. (stamping, as a signal that the Orchestra may leave off). Next I shall show you my zelebrated hillusion of ze inexhaustible ’At, to gonclude viz ze Invisible ’En.  And I shall be moch oblige if any shentelmans vill kindly favour me viz ’is ’at for ze burpose of my exberiment.

The M. in E.D.  Here’s mine—­it’s quite at your service. [To his companions. ] This is a stale old trick, he merely—­(explains as before. ) But you wait and see how I ’ll score off him over it!