my writings, and we were removed to such a distance
from each other, you most courteously addressed me
by letter; and when you unexpectedly came to London,
and saw me who could no longer see, my affliction,
which causes none to regard me with greater admiration,
and perhaps many even with feelings of contempt, excited
your tenderest sympathy and concern. You would
not suffer me to abandon the hope of recovering my
sight; and informed me you had an intimate friend at
Paris, Dr. Thevenot, who was particularly celebrated
in disorders of the eyes, whom you would consult about
mine, if I would enable you to lay before him the
causes and the symptoms of the complaint. I will
do what you desire, lest I should seem to reject that
aid which perhaps may be offered me by Heaven.
It is now, I think, about ten years since I perceived
my vision to grow weak and dull; and at the same time
I was troubled with pain in my kidneys and bowels,
accompanied with flatulency. In the morning,
if I began to read, as was my custom, my eyes instantly
ached intensely, but were refreshed after a little
corporeal exercise. The candle which I looked
at, seemed as it were encircled with a rainbow.
Not long after the sight in the left part of the left
eye (which I lost some years before the other) became
quite obscured, and prevented me from discerning any
object on that side. The sight in my other eye
has now been gradually and sensibly vanishing away
for about three years; some months before it had entirely
perished, though I stood motionless, everything which
I looked at seemed in motion to and fro. A stiff
cloudy vapour seemed to have settled on my forehead
and temples, which usually occasions a sort of somnolent
pressure upon my eyes, and particularly from dinner
till the evening. So that I often recollect what
is said of the poet Phineas in the
Argonautics:
A stupor deep his cloudy temples bound,
And when he walked he seemed as whirling
round,
Or in a feeble trance he speechless lay.
I ought not to omit that while I had any sight left,
as soon as I lay down on my bed and turned on either
side, a flood of light used to gush from my closed
eyelids. Then, as my sight became daily more
impaired, the colours became more faint and were emitted
with a certain inward crackling sound; but at present,
every species of illumination being, as it were, extinguished,
there is diffused around me nothing but darkness,
or darkness mingled and streaked with an ashy brown.
Yet the darkness in which I am perpetually immersed
seems always, both by night and day, to approach nearer
to white than black; and when the eye is rolling in
its socket, it admits a little particle of light,
as through a chink. And though your physician
may kindle a small ray of hope, yet I make up my mind
to the malady as quite incurable; and I often reflect,
that as the wise man admonishes, days of darkness
are destined to each of us, the darkness which I experience,