By an Egyptian Louse I understand one which has been formed on the head of a native Egyptian—­a race of men who, after degenerating for many centuries, have sunk at last into the abyss of depravity, in consequence of having been subjugated for a time by the French.  I do not find that Turgot, or Condorcet, or the rest of the economists, ever reckoned the combing of the head a species of productive labour; and I conclude, therefore, that wherever French principles have been propagated, Lice grow to an immoderate size, especially in a warm climate like that of Egypt.  I shall only add, that we ought to be sensible of the blessings we enjoy under a free and happy Constitution, where Lice and men live under the restraint of equal laws the only equality that can exist in a well-regulated state.

“LORD POLKEMMET.—­It should be observed, my Lord, that what is called a Beetle is a reptile very well known in this country.  I have seen mony are o’ them in Drumshorlin Muir; it is a little black beastie, about the size of my thoom-nail.  The country-folks ca’ them Clocks; and I believe they ca’ them also Maggy-wi’-the-mony-feet; but they are not the least like any Louse that ever I saw; so that, in my opinion, though the defender may have made a blunder through ignorance, in comparing them, there does not seem to have been any animus injuriandi; therefore I am for refusing the petition, my Lords.

“LORD BALMUTO.—­’Am[48] for refusing the petition.  There’s more Lice than Beetles in Fife.  They ca’ them Clocks there.  What they ca’ a Beetle is a thing as lang as my arm; thick at one end and sma’ at the other.  I thought, when I read the petition, that the Beetle or Bittle had been the thing that the women have when they are washing towels or napery with—­things for dadding them with; and I see the petitioner is a jeweller till his trade; and I thought he had are o’ thae Beetles, and set it all round with diamonds; and I thought it a foolish and extravagant idea; and I saw no resemblance it could have to a Louse.  But I find I was mistaken, my Lord; and I find it only a Beetle-clock the petitioner has; but my opinion’s the same as it was before.  I say, my Lords, ’am for refusing the petition, I say—­

“LORD WOODHOUSELEE.—­There is a case abridged in the third volume of the Dictionary of Decisions, Chalmers v. Douglas, in which it was found that veritas convicii excusat, which may be rendered not literally, but in a free and spirited manner, according to the most approved principles of translation, ’the truth of calumny affords a relevant defence.’  If, therefore, it be the law of Scotland (which I am clearly of opinion it is) that the truth of the calumny affords a relevant defence, and if it be likewise true that the Diamond Beetle is really an Egyptian Louse, I am inclined to conclude (though certainly the case is attended with difficulty) that the defender ought to be assoilzied.—­Refuse.