being over, she was embarked for good and all upon
her greatest adventure. What she experienced
at that moment was something like a religious conversion.
Her past fell away from her a dead thing; she was overwhelmed
by an ineffable vision; she, who had wandered for
so many years in the ways of worldly indifference,
was uplifted all at once on to a strange summit, and
pierced with the intensest pangs of an unknown devotion.
Henceforward her life was dedicated; but, unlike the
happier saints of a holier persuasion, she was to
find no peace on earth. It was, indeed, hardly
to be expected that Walpole, a blase bachelor of fifty,
should have reciprocated so singular a passion; yet
he might at least have treated it with gentleness
and respect. The total impression of him which
these letters produce is very damaging. It is
true that he was in a difficult position; and it is
also true that, since only the merest fragments of
his side of the correspondence have been preserved,
our knowledge of the precise details of his conduct
is incomplete; nevertheless, it is clear that, on
the whole, throughout the long and painful episode,
the principal motive which actuated him was an inexcusable
egoism. He was obsessed by a fear of ridicule.
He knew that letters were regularly opened at the
French Post Office, and he lived in terror lest some
spiteful story of his absurd relationship with a blind
old woman of seventy should be concocted and set afloat
among his friends, or his enemies, in England, which
would make him the laughing-stock of society for the
rest of his days. He was no less terrified by
the intensity of the sentiment of which he had become
the object. Thoroughly superficial and thoroughly
selfish, immersed in his London life of dilettantism
and gossip, the weekly letters from France with their
burden of a desperate affection appalled him and bored
him by turns. He did not know what to do; and
his perplexity was increased by the fact that he really
liked Madame du Deffand—so far as he could
like anyone—and also by the fact that his
vanity was highly flattered by her letters. Many
courses were open to him, but the one he took was probably
the most cruel that he could have taken: he insisted
with an absolute rigidity on their correspondence
being conducted in the tone of the most ordinary friendship—on
those terms alone, he said, would he consent to continue
it. And of course such terms were impossible to
Madame du Deffand. She accepted them—what
else could she do?—but every line she wrote
was a denial of them. Then, periodically, there
was an explosion. Walpole stormed, threatened,
declared he would write no more; and on her side there
were abject apologies, and solemn promises of amendment.
Naturally, it was all in vain. A few months later
he would be attacked by a fit of the gout, her solicitude
would be too exaggerated, and the same fury was repeated,
and the same submission. One wonders what the
charm could have been that held that proud old spirit