The Swedish professor had betaken himself off, with his chessmen and his chessboard. The little Polish governess who clutched so eagerly at her paltry winnings, caressing those centimes with the same fondness and fever that a greater gambler grasps his thousands of francs, she, had left too; and, indeed, most of Bernardine’s acquaintances had gone their several ways, after six months’ constant intercourse, and companionship, saying good-bye with the same indifference as though they were saying good-morning or good-afternoon.
This cold-heartedness struck Bernardine more than once, and she spoke of it to Robert Allitsen. It was the day before her own departure, and she had gone down with him to the restaurant, and sat sipping her coffee, and making her complaint.
“Such indifference is astonishing, and it is sad too. I cannot understand it,” she said.
“That is because you are a goose,” he replied, pouring out some more coffee for himself, and as an after thought, for her too, “You pretend to know something about the human heart, and yet you do not seem to grasp the fact that most of us are very little interested in other people: they for us and we for them can spare only a small fraction of time and attention. We may, perhaps, think to the contrary, believing that we occupy an important position in their lives; until one day, when we are feeling most confident of our value, we see an unmistakable sign, given quite unconsciously by our friends, that we are after all nothing to them: we can be done without, put on one side, and forgotten when not present. Then, if we are foolish, we are wounded by this discovery, and we draw back into ourselves. But if we are wise, we draw back into ourselves without being wounded: recognizing as fair and reasonable that people can only have time and attention for their immediate belongings. Isolated persons have to learn this lesson sooner or later; and the sooner they do learn it, the better.”
“And you,” she asked, “you have learnt this lesson?”
“Long ago,” he said decidedly.
“You take a hard view of life,” she said.
“Life has not been very bright for me,” he answered. “But I own that I have not cultivated my garden. And now it is too late: the weeds have sprung up everywhere. Once or twice I have thought lately that I would begin to clear away the weeds, but I have not the courage now. And perhaps it does not matter much.”
“I think it does matter,” she said gently. “But I am no better than you, for I have not cultivated my garden.’’
“It would not be such a difficult business for you as for me,” he said, smiling sadly.
They left the restaurant, and sauntered out together.
“And to-morrow you will be gone,” he said.
“I shall miss you,” Bernardine said.
“That is simply a question of time,” he remarked. “I shall probably miss you at first. But we adjust ourselves easily to altered circumstances: mercifully. A few days, a few weeks at most, and then that state of becoming accustomed, called by pious folk, resignation.”