Title:  Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 99., November 8, 1890

Author:  Various

Release Date:  May 28, 2004 [EBook #12469]

Language:  English

Character set encoding:  ASCII

*** Start of this project gutenberg EBOOK Punch, Vol. 99 ***

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PUNCH,

Or the London charivari.

Vol. 99.

November 8, 1890.

MR. PUNCH’S PRIZE NOVELS.

No.  V.—­MIGNON’S mess-room.

(BY Tom rum summer, AUTHOR OF “MIGNON’S MA,” “MIGNON’S HUB,” “FOOTLE’S FATHER,” “TOOTLE’S TOOTSIE,” “UGLY TOM,” “YOUR RICH RICHARD,” “A BABY IN BARRACKS,” “STUCK,” “HOOP-LORE,” “WENT FOR THAT PLEECEMAN,” &C., &C., &C., &C., &C., &C., &C., &C.)

["This,” writes the eminent Author, “is a real, true story of the life of soldiers and children.  Soldiers are grand, noble fellows.  They are so manly, and all smoke a great deal of tobacco.  My drawl is the only genuine one.  I could do a lot more of the same sort, but I charge extra for pathos.  I’m a man.—­T.R.S.”]

CHAPTER I.

  “Three blind mice—­
  See how they run.”
      —­Old Song,

The Officers of the Purple Dragoons were gathered together in their ante-room.  It was a way they had.  They were all there.  Grand fellows, too, most of them—­tall, broad-shouldered, and silky-haired, and as good as gold.  That gets tiresome after a time, but everything can be set right with one downright rascally villain—­a villain, mind you, that poor, weak women, know nothing about.  GAVOR was that kind of man.  Of course that was why he was to break his neck, and get smashed up generally.  But I am anticipating, and a man should never anticipate.  Emily, for instance, never did.  Emily—­Captain Emily, of the Purple Dragoons—­was the biggest fool in the Service.  Everybody told him so; and Emily, who had a trustful, loving nature, always believed what he was told.

[Illustration]

“I nev-ah twry,” he used to say—­it was a difficult word to pronounce, but Emily always stuck to it as only a soldier can. and got it out somehow—­“I nev-ah twry to wremember things the wwrong way wround.”

A roar of laughter greeted this sally.  They all knew he meant “anticipate,” but they all loved their Emily far too well to set him right.

“’Pon my soul,” he continued, “it’s quite twrue.  You fellows may wroawr wiv laughtewr if you like, but it’s twrue, and you know it’s twrne.”