“Do you know that that bulldog of yours killed my wife’s little harmless, affectionate poodle?”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“Would you be offended if I was to present him with a nice brass collar?”

  Fleshy Miss Muffet
  Sat down on Tuffet,
    A very good dog in his way;
  When she saw what she’d done,
  She started to run—­
    And Tuffet was buried next day.

  —­L.T.H.

William J. Stevens, for several years local station agent at Swansea, R. I., was peacefully promenading his platform one morning when a rash dog ventured to snap at one of William’s plump legs.  Stevens promptly kicked the animal halfway across the tracks, and was immediately confronted by the owner, who demanded an explanation in language more forcible than courteous.

“Why,” said Stevens when the other paused for breath, “your dog’s mad.”

“Mad!  Mad!  You double-dyed blankety-blank fool, he ain’t mad!”

“Oh, ain’t he?” cut in Stevens.  “Gosh!  I should be if any one kicked me like that!”

One would have it that a collie is the most sagacious of dogs, while the other stood up for the setter.

“I once owned a setter,” declared the latter, “which was very intelligent.  I had him on the street one day, and he acted so queerly about a certain man we met that I asked the man his name, and—­”

“Oh, that’s an old story!” the collie’s advocate broke in sneeringly.  “The man’s name was Partridge, of course, and because of that the dog came to a set.  Ho, ho!  Come again!”

“You’re mistaken,” rejoined the other suavely.  “The dog didn’t come quite to a set, though almost.  As a matter of fact, the man’s name was Quayle, and the dog hesitated on account of the spelling!”—­P.  R. Benson.

The more one sees of men the more one likes dogs.

See also Dachshunds.

DOMESTIC FINANCE

“Talk about Napoleon!  That fellow Wombat is something of a strategist himself.”

“As to how?”

“Got his salary raised six months ago, and his wife hasn’t found it out yet.”—­Washington Herald.

A Lakewood woman was recently reading to her little boy the story of a young lad whose father was taken ill and died, after which he set himself diligently to work to support himself and his mother.  When she had finished her story she said: 

“Dear Billy, if your papa were to die, would you work to support your dear mamma?”

“Naw!” said Billy unexpectedly.

“But why not?”

“Ain’t we got a good house to live in?”

“Yes, dearie, but we can’t eat the house, you know.”

“Ain’t there a lot o’ stuff in the pantry?”

“Yes, but that won’t last forever.”

“It’ll last till you git another husband, won’t it?  You’re a pretty good looker, ma!”