“Vail,” said Mr. Olsen slowly, “Ay bane poor Swede farmer, but Ay shall give you two dollars.”

DANCING

He was a remarkably stout gentleman, excessively fond of dancing, so his friends asked him why he had stopped, and was it final?

“Oh, no, I hope not,” sighed the old fellow.  “I still love it, and I’ve merely stopped until I can find a concave lady for a partner.”

George Bernard Shaw was recently entertained at a house party.  While the other guests were dancing, one of the onlookers called Mr. Shaw’s attention to the awkward dancing of a German professor.

“Really horrid dancing, isn’t it, Mr. Shaw?”

G.B.S. was not at a loss for the true Shavian response.  “Oh that’s not dancing” he answered.  “That’s the New Ethical Movement!”

On a journey through the South not long ago, Wu Ting Fang was impressed by the preponderance of negro labor in one of the cities he visited.  Wherever the entertainment committee led him, whether to factory, store or suburban plantation, all the hard work seemed to be borne by the black men.

Minister Wu made no comment at the time, but in the evening when he was a spectator at a ball given in his honor, after watching the waltzing and two-stepping for half an hour, he remarked to his host: 

“Why don’t you make the negroes do that for you, too?”

  If they had danced the tango and the trot
    In days of old, there is no doubt we’d find
  The poet would have written—­would he not?—­
   “On with the dance, let joy be unrefined!”

  —­J.J.  O’Connell.

DEAD BEATS

See Bills; Collecting of accounts.

DEBTS

A train traveling through the West was held up by masked bandits.  Two friends, who were on their way to California, were among the passengers.

“Here’s where we lose all our money,” one said, as a robber entered the car.

“You don’t think they’ll take everything, do you?” the other asked nervously.

“Certainly,” the first replied.  “These fellows never miss anything.”

“That will be terrible,” the second friend said.  “Are you quite sure they won’t leave us any money?” he persisted.

“Of course,” was the reply.  “Why do you ask?”

The other was silent for a minute.  Then, taking a fifty-dollar note from his pocket, he handed it to his friend.

“What is this for?” the first asked, taking the money.

“That’s the fifty dollars I owe you,” the other answered.  “Now we’re square.”—­W.  Dayton Wegefarth.

WILLIS—­“He calls himself a dynamo.”

GILLIS—­“No wonder; everything he has on is charged.”—­Judge.

   Anticipated rents, and bills unpaid,
   Force many a shining youth into the shade,
   Not to redeem his time, but his estate,
   And play the fool, but at the cheaper rate.