The one-armed man picked up his sleeve with his right hand and peered anxiously into it.  “Bless my soul!” he exclaimed, looking up with great surprise.  “I do believe you’re right.”

See also Wives.

CYCLONES

See Windfalls.

DACHSHUNDS

A little boy was entertaining the minister the other day until his mother could complete her toilet.  The minister, to make congenial conversation, inquired:  “Have you a dog?”

“Yes, sir; a dachshund,” responded the lad.

“Where is he?” questioned the dominic, knowing the way to a boy’s heart.

“Father sends him away for the winter.  He says it takes him so long to go in and out of the door he cools the whole house off.”

DAMAGES

A Chicago lawyer tells of a visit he received from a Mrs. Delehanty, accompanied by Mr. Delehanty, the day after Mrs. Delehanty and a Mrs. Cassidy had indulged in a little difference of opinion.

When he had listened to the recital of Mrs. Delehanty’s troubles, the lawyer said: 

“You want to get damages, I suppose?”

“Damages!  Damages!” came in shrill tones from Mrs. Delehanty.  “Haven’t I got damages enough already, man?  What I’m after is satisfaction.”

A Chicago man who was a passenger on a train that met with an accident not far from that city tells of a curious incident that he witnessed in the car wherein he was sitting.

Just ahead of him were a man and his wife.  Suddenly the train was derailed, and went bumping down a steep hill.  The man evinced signs of the greatest terror; and when the car came to a stop he carefully examined himself to learn whether he had received any injury.  After ascertaining that he was unhurt, he thought of his wife and damages.

“Are you hurt, dear?” he asked.

“No, thank Heaven!” was the grateful response.

“Look here, then,” continued hubby, “I’ll tell you what we’ll do.  You let me black your eye, and we’ll soak the company good for damages!  It won’t hurt you much.  I’ll give you just one good punch.” _—­Howard Morse_.

Up in Minnesota Mr. Olsen had a cow killed by a railroad train.  In due season the claim agent for the railroad called.

“We understand, of course, that the deceased was a very docile and valuable animal,” said the claim agent in his most persuasive claim-agentlemanly manner “and we sympathize with you and your family in your loss.  But, Mr. Olsen, you must remember this:  Your cow had no business being upon our tracks.  Those tracks are our private property and when she invaded them, she became a trespasser.  Technically speaking, you, as her owner, became a trespasser also.  But we have no desire to carry the issue into court and possibly give you trouble.  Now then, what would you regard as a fair settlement between you and the railroad company?”