“Yes, indeed,” said the president.  “No less than twelve of your daughter’s brothers have called frequently during the winter to take her driving and sleighing, while your eldest son escorted her to the theater at least twice a week.  Unusually nice brothers they are.”

The world’s great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.—­O.W.  Holmes.

See also Harvard university; Scholarship.

COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES

  The college is a coy maid—­
    She has a habit quaint
  Of making eyes at millionaires
    And winking at the taint.

  —­Judge.

“What is a ’faculty’?”

“A ‘faculty’ is a body of men surrounded by red tape.”—­Cornell Widow.

Yale University is to have a ton of fossils.  Whether for the faculty or for the museums is not announced.—­The Atlanta Journal.

FIRST TRUSTEE—­“But this ancient institution of learning will fail unless something is done.”

SECOND TRUSTEE—­“True; but what can we do?  We have already raised the tuition until it is almost 1 per cent of the fraternity fees.”—­Puck.

The president of the university had dark circles under his eyes.  His cheek was pallid; his lips were trembling; he wore a hunted expression.

“You look ill,” said his wife.  “What is wrong, dear?”

“Nothing much,” he replied.  “But—­I—­I had a fearful dream last night, and I feel this morning as if I—­as if I—­” It was evident that his nervous system was shattered.

“What was the dream?” asked his wife.

“I—­I—­dreamed the trustees required that—­that I should—­that I should pass the freshman examination for—­admission!” sighed the president.

COMMON SENSE

A mysterious building had been erected on the outskirts of a small town.  It was shrouded in mystery.  All that was known about it was that it was a chemical laboratory.  An old farmer, driving past the place after work had been started, and seeing a man in the doorway, called to him: 

“What be ye doin’ in this place?”

“We are searching for a universal solvent—­something that will dissolve all things,” said the chemist.

“What good will thet be?”

“Imagine, sir!  It will dissolve all things.  If we want a solution of iron, glass, gold—­anything, all that we have to do is to drop it in this solution.”

“Fine,” said the farmer, “fine!  What be ye goin’ to keep it in?”

COMMUTERS

BRIGGS—­“Is it true that you have broken off your engagement to that girl who lives in the suburbs?”

GRIGGS—­“Yes; they raised the commutation rates on me and I have transferred to a town girl.”

“I see you carrying home a new kind of breakfast food,” remarked the first commuter.