“Don’t mention it, your Majesty,” replied Raleigh.  “It only cost two and six, and I have already sold it to an American collector for eight thousand pounds.”

COLLEGE GRADUATES

“Can’t I take your order for one of our encyclopedias!” asked the dapper agent.

“No I guess not,” said the busy man.  “I might be able to use it a few times, but my son will be home from college in June.”

COLLEGE STUDENTS

“Say, dad, remember that story you told me about when you were expelled from college?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I was just thinking, dad, how true it is that history repeats itself.”

WANTED:  Burly beauty-proof individual to read meters in sorority houses.  We haven’t made a nickel in two years.  The Gas Co.—­Michigan Gargoyle.

FRESHMAN—­“I have a sliver in my finger.”

SOP—­“Been scratching your head?”

STUDE—­“Do you smoke, professor?”

PROF.—­“Why, yes, I’m very fond of a good cigar.”

STUDE—­“Do you drink, sir?”

PROF.—­“Yes, indeed, I enjoy nothing better than a bottle of wine.”

STUDE—­“Gee, it’s going to cost me something to pass this
course.”—­Cornell Widow.

Three boys from Yale, Princeton and Harvard were in a room when a lady entered.  The Yale boy asked languidly if some fellow ought not to give a chair to the lady; the Princeton boy slowly brought one, and the Harvard boy deliberately sat down in it.—­Life.

A college professor was one day nearing the close of a history lecture and was indulging in one of those rhetorical climaxes in which he delighted when the hour struck.  The students immediately began to slam down the movable arms of their lecture chairs and to prepare to leave.

The professor, annoyed at the interruption of his flow of eloquence, held up his hand: 

“Wait just one minute, gentlemen.  I have a few more pearls to cast.”

When Rutherford B. Hayes was a student at college it was his custom to take a walk before breakfast.

One morning two of his student friends went with him.  After walking a short distance they met an old man with a long white beard.  Thinking that they would have a little fun at the old man’s expense, the first one bowed to him very gracefully and said:  “Good morning, Father Abraham.”

The next one made a low bow and said:  “Good morning, Father Isaac.”

Young Hayes then made his bow and said:  “Good morning Father Jacob.”

The old man looked at them a moment and then said:  “Young men, I am neither Abraham, Isaac nor Jacob.  I am Saul, the son of Kish, and I am out looking for my father’s asses, and lo, I have found them.”

A western college boy amused himself by writing stories and giving them to papers for nothing.  His father objected and wrote to the boy that he was wasting his time.  In answer the college lad wrote: