“I dunno.  What was it?”

“Well, you know her husband cut his finger badly yesterday with a hay-cutter; and this afternoon as I was goin’ by the house I heard her say: 

“’Now, William, you must be a very good boy, for your father has injured his hand, and if you are naughty he won’t be able to whip you.’”—­Edwin Tarrisse.

Childhood has no forebodings; but then, it is soothed by no memories of outlived sorrow.—­George Eliot.

Better to be driven out from among men than to be disliked of children.—­R.H.  Dana.

See also Boys; Families.

CHOICES

William Phillips, our secretary of embassy at London, tells of an American officer who, by the kind permission of the British Government, was once enabled to make a week’s cruise on one of His Majesty’s battleships.  Among other things that impressed the American was the vessel’s Sunday morning service.  It was very well attended, every sailor not on duty being there.  At the conclusion of the service the American chanced to ask one of the jackies: 

“Are you obliged to attend these Sunday morning services?”

“Not exactly obliged to, sir,” replied the sailor-man, “but our grog would be stopped if we didn’t, sir.”—­Edwin Tarrisse.

A well-known furniture dealer of a Virginia town wanted to give his faithful negro driver something for Christmas in recognition of his unfailing good humor in toting out stoves, beds, pianos, etc.

“Dobson,” he said, “you have helped me through some pretty tight places in the last ten years, and I want to give you something as a Christmas present that will be useful to you and that you will enjoy.  Which do you prefer, a ton of coal or a gallon of good whiskey?”

“Boss,” Dobson replied, “Ah burns wood.”

A man hurried into a quick-lunch restaurant recently and called to the waiter:  “Give me a ham sandwich.”

“Yes, sir,” said the waiter, reaching for the sandwich; “will you eat it or take it with you?”

“Both,” was the unexpected but obvious reply.

CHOIRS

See Singers.

CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS

While waiting for the speaker at a public meeting a pale little man in the audience seemed very nervous.  He glanced over his shoulder from time to time and squirmed and shifted about in his seat.  At last, unable to stand it longer, he arose and demanded, in a high, penetrating voice, “Is there a Christian Scientist in this room?”

A woman at the other side of the hall got up and said, “I am a Christian Scientist.”

“Well, then, madam,” requested the little man, “would you mind changing seats with me?  I’m sitting in a draft.”

CHRISTIANS