A southerner, hearing a great commotion in his chicken-house one dark night, took his revolver and went to investigate.

“Who’s there?” he sternly demanded, opening the door.

No answer.

“Who’s there?  Answer, or I’ll shoot!”

A trembling voice from the farthest corner: 

“‘Deed, sah, dey ain’t nobody hyah ceptin’ us chickens.”

A colored parson, calling upon one of his flock, found the object of his visit out in the back yard working among his hen-coops.  He noticed with surprise that there were no chickens.

“Why, Brudder Brown,” he asked, “whar’r all yo’ chickens?”

“Huh,” grunted Brother Brown without looking up, “some fool niggah lef de do’ open an’ dey all went home.”

CHILD LABOR

“What’s up old man; you look as happy as a lark!”

“Happy?  Why shouldn’t I look happy?  No more hard, weary work by yours truly.  I’ve got eight kids and I’m going to move to Alabama.”—­Life.

CHILDREN

Two weary parents once advertised: 

“WANTED, AT ONCE—­Two fluent and well-learned persons, male or female, to answer the questions of a little girl of three and a boy of four; each to take four hours per day and rest the parents of said children.”

Another couple advertised: 

“WANTED:  A governess who is good stenographer, to take down the clever sayings of our child.”

A boy twelve years old with an air of melancholy resignation, went to his teacher and handed in the following note from his mother before taking his seat: 

    “Dear Sir:  Please excuse James for not being present
    yesterday.

“He played truant, but you needn’t whip him for it, as the boy he played truant with and him fell out, and he licked James; and a man they threw stones at caught him and licked him; and the driver of a cart they hung onto licked him; and the owner of a cat they chased licked him.  Then I licked him when he came home, after which his father licked him; and I had to give him another for being impudent to me for telling his father.  So you need not lick him until next time.

    “He thinks he will attend regular in future.”

MRS. POST—­“But why adopt a baby when you have three children of your own under five years old?”

MRS. PARKER—­“My own are being brought up properly.  The adopted one is to enjoy.”

The neighbors of a certain woman in a New England town maintain that this lady entertains some very peculiar notions touching the training of children.  Local opinion ascribes these oddities on her part to the fact that she attended normal school for one year just before her marriage.

Said one neighbor:  “She does a lot of funny things.  What do you suppose I heard her say to that boy of hers this afternoon?”