CATS

  There was a young lady whose dream
  Was to feed a black cat on whipt cream,
    But the cat with a bound
    Spilt the milk on the ground,
  So she fed a whipt cat on black cream.

  There once were two cats in Kilkenny,
  And each cat thought that there was one cat too many,
  And they scratched and they fit and they tore and they bit,
  ’Til instead of two cats—­there weren’t any.

CAUSE AND EFFECT

Archbishop Whately was one day asked if he rose early.  He replied that once he did, but he was so proud all the morning and so sleepy all the afternoon that he determined never to do it again.

A man who has an office downtown called his wife by telephone the other morning and during the conversation asked what the baby was doing.

“She was crying her eyes out,” replied the mother.

“What about?”

“I don’t know whether it is because she has eaten too many strawberries or because she wants more,” replied the discouraged mother.

BANKS—­“I had a new experience yesterday, one you might call unaccountable.  I ate a hearty dinner, finishing up with a Welsh rabbit, a mince pie and some lobster a la Newburgh.  Then I went to a place of amusement.  I had hardly entered the building before everything swam before me.”

BINKS—­“The Welsh rabbit did it.”

BUNKS—­“No; it was the lobster.”

BONKS—­“I think it was the mince pie.”

BANKS—­“No; I have a simpler explanation than that.  I never felt better in my life; I was at the Aquarium.”—­Judge.

Among a party of Bostonians who spent some time in a hunting-camp in Maine were two college professors.  No sooner had the learned gentlemen arrived than their attention was attracted by the unusual position of the stove, which was set on posts about four feet high.

This circumstance afforded one of the professors immediate opportunity to comment upon the knowledge that woodsmen gain by observation.

“Now,” said he, “this man has discovered that heat emanating from a stove strikes the roof, and that the circulation is so quickened that the camp is warmed in much less time than would be required were the stove in its regular place on the floor.”

But the other professor ventured the opinion that the stove was elevated to be above the window in order that cool and pure air could be had at night.

The host, being of a practical turn, thought that the stove was set high in order that a good supply of green wood could be placed under it.

After much argument, they called the guide and asked why the stove was in such a position.

The man grinned.  “Well, gents,” he explained, “when I brought the stove up the river I lost most of the stove-pipe overboard; so we had to set the stove up that way so as to have the pipe reach through the roof.”