See also Politicians.

CANNING AND PRESERVING

  A canner, exceedingly canny,
  One morning remarked to his granny,
    “A canner can can
    Anything that he can;
  But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”

  —­Carolyn Wells.

CAPITALISTS

Of the late Bishop Charles G. Grafton a Fond du Lac man said:  “Bishop Grafton was remarkable for the neatness and point of his pulpit utterances.  Once, during a disastrous strike, a capitalist of Fond du Lac arose in a church meeting and asked leave to speak.  The bishop gave him the floor, and the man delivered himself of a long panegyric upon captains of industry, upon the good they do by giving men work, by booming the country, by reducing the cost of production, and so forth.  When the capitalist had finished his self-praise and, flushed and satisfied, had sat down again, Bishop Grafton rose and said with quiet significance:  ’Is there any other sinner that would like to say a word?’”

CAREFULNESS

Michael Dugan, a journeyman plumber, was sent by his employer to the Hightower mansion to repair a gas-leak in the drawing-room.  When the butler admitted him he said to Dugan: 

“You are requested to be careful of the floors.  They have just been polished.”

“They’s no danger iv me slippin’ on thim,” replied Dugan.  “I hov spikes in me shoes.”—­Lippincott’s.

CARPENTERS

While building a house, Senator Platt of Connecticut had occasion to employ a carpenter.  One of the applicants was a plain Connecticut Yankee, without any frills.

“You thoroughly understand carpentry?” asked the senator.

“Yes, sir.”

“You can make doors, windows, and blinds?”

“Oh, yes sir!”

“How would you make a Venetian blind?”

The man scratched his head and thought deeply for a few seconds.  “I should think, sir,” he said finally, “about the best way would be to punch him in the eye.”

CARVING

To Our National Birds—­the Eagle and the Turkey—­(while the host is carving): 

  May one give us peace in all our States,
  And the other a piece for all our plates.

CASTE

In some parts of the South the darkies are still addicted to the old style country dance in a big hall, with the fiddlers, banjoists, and other musicians on a platform at one end.

At one such dance held not long ago in an Alabama town, when the fiddlers had duly resined their bows and taken their places on the platform, the floor manager rose.

“Git yo’ partners fo’ de nex’ dance!” he yelled.  “All you ladies an’ gennulmens dat wears shoes an’ stockin’s, take yo’ places in de middle of de room.  All you ladies an’ gennulmens dat wears shoes an’ no stockin’s, take yo’ places immejitly behim’ dem.  An’ yo’ barfooted crowd, you jes’ jig it roun’ in de corners.”—­Taylor Edwards.