TOMMY—­“No; I only know he doth it!”

BEETLES

  Now doth the frisky June Bug
    Bring forth his aeroplane,
  And try to make a record,
    And busticate his brain!

  He bings against the mirror,
    He bangs against the door,
  He caroms on the ceiling,
    And turtles on the floor!

  He soars aloft, erratic,
    He lands upon my neck,
  And makes me creep and shiver,
    A neurasthenic wreck!

  —­Charles Irvin Junkin.

BEGGING

THE “ANGEL” (about to give a beggar a dime)—­“Poor man!  And are you married?”

BEGGAR—­“Pardon me, madam!  D’ye think I’d be relyin’ on total strangers for support if I had a wife?”

MAN—­“Is there any reason why I should give you five cents?”

BOY—­“Well, if I had a nice high hat like yours I wouldn’t want it soaked with snowballs.”

MILLIONAIRE (to ragged beggar)—­“You ask alms and do not even take your hat off.  Is that the proper way to beg?”

BEGGAR—­“Pardon me, sir.  A policeman is looking at us from across the street.  If I take my hat off he’ll arrest me for begging; as it is, he naturally takes us for old friends.”

Once, while Bishop Talbot, the giant “cowboy bishop,” was attending a meeting of church dignitaries in St. Paul, a tramp accosted a group of churchmen in the hotel porch and asked for aid.

“No,” one of them told him, “I’m afraid we can’t help you.  But you see that big man over there?” pointing to Bishop Talbot.

“Well, he’s the youngest bishop of us all, and he’s a very generous man.  You might try him.”

The tramp approached Bishop Talbot confidently.  The others watched with interest.  They saw a look of surprise come over the tramp’s face.  The bishop was talking eagerly.  The tramp looked troubled.  And then, finally, they saw something pass from one hand to the other.  The tramp tried to slink past the group without speaking, but one of them called to him: 

“Well, did you get something from our young brother?”

The tramp grinned sheepishly.  “No,” he admitted, “I gave him a dollar for his damned new cathedral at Laramie!”

  To get thine ends, lay bashfulnesse aside;
  Who feares to aske, doth teach to be deny’d.

  —­Herrick.

  Well, whiles I am a beggar I will rail
  And say, there is no sin but to be rich;
  And being rich, my virtue then shall be
  To say, there is no vice but beggary.

  —­Shakespeare.

See also Flattery; Millionaires.

BETTING

The officers’ mess was discussing rifle shooting.

“I’ll bet anyone here,” said one young lieutenant, “that I can fire twenty shots at two hundred yards and call each shot correctly without waiting for the marker.  I’ll stake a box of cigars that I can.”