They had been married just before boarding the train and, like a good many of their white brothers and sisters, were very much interested in each other, regardless of the amusement of their neighbors.  After various “billings and cooings” the man sank down in the seat and, resting his head on the lady’s shoulder, looked soulfully up into her eyes.

She looked fondly down upon him and after a few minutes murmured gently, “Laws, honey, ain’t yo’ shamed to be so han’some?”

  Little dabs of powder,
    Little specks of paint,
  Make my lady’s freckles
    Look as if they ain’t.

  —­Mary A. Fairchild.

  He kissed her on the cheek,
    It seemed a harmless frolic;
  He’s been laid up a week
    They say, with painter’s colic.

  —­The Christian Register.

MOTHER (to inquisitive child)—­“Stand aside.  Don’t you see the gentleman wants to take the lady’s picture?”

“Why does he want to?”—­Life.

One day, while walking with a friend in San Francisco, a professor and his companion became involved in an argument as to which was the handsomer man of the two.  Not being able to arrive at a settlement of the question, they agreed, in a spirit of fun, to leave it to the decision of a Chinaman who was seen approaching them.  The matter being laid before him, the Oriental considered long and carefully; then he announced in a tone of finality, “Both are worse.”

“What a homely woman!”

“Sir, that is my wife.  I’ll have you understand it is a woman’s privilege to be homely.”

“Gee, then she abused the privilege.”

Beauty is worse than wine; it intoxicates both the holder and the beholder.—­Zimmermann.

BEDS

A western politician tells the following story as illustrating the inconveniences attached to campaigning in certain sections of the country.

Upon his arrival at one of the small towns in South Dakota, where he was to make a speech the following day, he found that the so-called hotel was crowded to the doors.  Not having telegraphed for accommodations, the politician discovered that he would have to make shift as best he could.  Accordingly, he was obliged for that night to sleep on a wire cot which had only some blankets and a sheet on it.  As the politician is an extremely fat man, he found his improvised bed anything but comfortable.

“How did you sleep?” asked a friend in the morning.

“Fairly well,” answered the fat man, “but I looked like a waffle when I got up.”

BEER

  A man to whom illness was chronic,
  When told that he needed a tonic,
    Said, “O Doctor dear,
    Won’t you please make it beer?”
  “No, no,” said the Doc., “that’s Teutonic.”

BEES

TEACHER—­“Tommy, do you know ’How Doth the Little Busy Bee’?”