“Why, your Honor,” he said, “my engine was out of order, and I was going very slowly because I was afraid it would break down completely.  I give you my word, sir, you could have walked as fast as I was running.”

“Well,” said the magistrate, after due reflection, “you don’t appear to have been exceeding the speed limit, but at the same time you must have been guilty of something, or you wouldn’t be here.  I fine you ten dollars for loitering.”—­Fenimore Martin.

AVIATION

The aviator’s wife was taking her first trip with her husband in his airship.  “Wait a minute, George,” she said.  “I’m afraid we will have to go down again.”

“What’s wrong?” asked her husband.

“I believe I have dropped one of the pearl buttons off my jacket.  I think I can see it glistening on the ground.”

“Keep your seat, my dear,” said the aviator, “that’s Lake Erie.”

AVIATOR (to young assistant, who has begun to be frightened)—­“Well, what do you want now?”

ASSISTANT (whimpering)—­“I want the earth.”—­Abbie C. Dixon.

When Claude Grahame-White the famous aviator, author of “The Aeroplane in War,” was in this country not long ago, he was spending a week-end at a country home.  He tells the following story of an incident that was very amusing to him.

“The first night that I arrived, a dinner party was given.  Feeling very enthusiastic over the recent flights, I began to tell the young woman who was my partner at the table of some of the details of the aviation sport.

“It was not until the dessert was brought on that I realized that I had been doing all the talking; indeed, the young woman seated next me had not uttered a single word since I first began talking about aviation.  Perhaps she was not interested in the subject, I thought, although to an enthusiast like me it seemed quite incredible.

“’I am afraid I have been boring you with this shop talk,” I said, feeling as if I should apologize.

“‘Oh, not at all,’ she murmured, in very polite tones; ’but would you mind telling me, what is aviation?’”—­M.A.  Hitchcock.

AVIATORS

  Little drops in water—­
  Little drops on land—­
  Make the aviator,
  Join the heavenly band.

  —­Satire.

“Are you an experienced aviator?”

“Well, sir, I have been at it six weeks and I am all here.”—­Life.

BABIES

See Children.

BACCALAUREATE SERMONS

PROUD FATHER—­“Rick, my boy, if you live up to your oration you’ll be an honor to the family.”

VALEDICTORIAN-"I expect to do better than that, father.  I am going to try to live up to the baccalaureate sermon.”