“Hell!” replied the southerner, “What’s time to a hog.”

Dost thou love life?  Then waste not time; for time is the stuff that life is made of.—­Benjamin Franklin.

  Time fleeth on,
  Youth soon is gone,
    Naught earthly may abide;
  Life seemeth fast,
  But may not last
    It runs as runs the tide.

  —­Leland.

See also Scientific management.

TIPS

American travelers in Europe experience a great deal of trouble from the omnipresent need of tipping those from whom they expect any service, however slight.  They are very apt to carry it much too far, or else attempt to resist it altogether.  There is a story told of a wealthy and ostentatious American in a Parisian restaurant.  As the waiter placed the order before him he said in a loud voice: 

“Waiter, what is largest tip you ever received?”

“One thousand francs, monsieur.”

“Eh bien!  But I will give you two thousand,” answered the upholder of American honor; and then in a moment he added:  “May I ask who gave you the thousand francs?”

“It was yourself, monsieur,” said the obsequious waiter.

Of quite an opposite mode of thought was another American visiting London for the first time.  Goaded to desperation by the incessant necessity for tips, he finally entered the washroom of his hotel, only to be faced with a large sign which read:  “Please tip the basin after using.”  “I’m hanged if I will!” said the Yankee, turning on his heel, “I’ll go dirty first!”

Grant Alien relates that he was sitting one day under the shade of the
Sphinx, turning for some petty point of detail to his Baedeker.

A sheik looked at him sadly, and shook his head.  “Murray good,” he said in a solemn voice of warning; “Baedeker no good.  What for you see Baedeker?”

“No, no; Baedeker is best,” answered Mr. Alien.  “Why do you object to Baedeker?”

The shick crossed his hands, and looked down at him with the pitying eyes of Islam.  “Baedeker bad book,” he repeated; “Murray very, very good.  Murray say, ‘Give the sheik half a crown’; Baedeker say, ’Give the sheik a shilling.’”

“What do you consider the most important event in the history of Paris?”

“Well,” replied the tourist, who had grown weary of distributing tips, “so far as financial prosperity is concerned, I should say the discovery of America was the making of this town.”

In telling this one, Miss Glaser always states that she does not want it understood that she considers the Scotch people at all stingy; but they are a very careful and thrifty race.

An intimate friend of her’s was very anxious to have a well known Scotchman meet Miss Glaser, and gave her a letter of introduction to him.  Miss Glaser, wishing to show him all the attention possible, invited him to a dinner which she was giving in London and after rather an elaborate repast the bill was paid, the waiter returning five shillings.  She let it lie, intending, of course, to give it to the waiter.  The Scotchman glanced at the money very frequently, and finally he said, his natural thrift getting the best of him: