His friend hurried to his door.

“What’s the matter, Bill?”

“Oh, I’m all right, I guess,” Taft called out to his friend good-naturedly; “but say, Joe, if you don’t find me here in the morning look in the cellar.”

One morning a few summers ago President Taft, wearing the largest bathing suit known to modern times, threw his substantial form into the cooling waves of Beverly Bay.  Shortly afterward one neighbor said to another:  “Let’s go bathing.”

“How can we?” was the response.  “The President is using the ocean.”

TALENT

See Actors and actresses.

TALKERS

Some years ago, Mark Twain was a guest of honor at an opera box-party given by a prominent member of New York society.  The hostess had been particularly talkative all during the performance—­to Mr. Clemens’s increasing irritation.

Toward the end of the opera, she turned to him and said gushingly: 

“Oh, my dear Mr. Clemens, I do so want you to be with us next Friday evening.  I’m certain you will like it the opera will be ‘Tosca.’”

“Charmed, I’m sure,” replied Clemens.  “I’ve never heard you in that.”

It was a beautiful evening and Ole, who had screwed up courage to take Mary for a ride, was carried away by the magic of the night.

“Mary,” he asked, “will you marry me?”

“Yes, Ole,” she answered softly.

Ole lapsed into a silence that at last became painful to his fiancee.

“Ole,” she said desperately, “why don’t you say something?”

“Ay tank,” Ole replied, “they bane too much said already.”

“Sir,” said the sleek-looking agent, approaching the desk of the meek, meaching-looking man and opening one of those folding thingumjigs showing styles of binding, “I believe I can interest you in this massive set of books containing the speeches of the world’s greatest orators.  Seventy volumes, one dollar down and one dollar a month until the price, six hundred and eighty dollars has been paid.  This set of books gives you the most celebrated speeches of the greatest talkers the world has ever known and—­”

“Let me see the index,” said the meek man.

The agent handed it to him and he looked through it carefully and methodically, running his finger along the list of names.

Reaching the end he handed the index back to the agent and said:  “It isn’t what you claim it is.  I happen to know the greatest talker in the world, and you haven’t her in the index.”

A guest was expected for dinner and Bobby had received five cents as the price of his silence during the meal.  He was as quiet as a mouse until, discovering that his favorite dessert was being served, he could no longer curb his enthusiasm.  He drew the coin from his pocket, and rolling it across the table, exclaimed:  “Here’s your nickel, Mamma.  I’d rather talk.”