—­Longfellow.

SUNDAY SCHOOLS

“Now, Willie,” said the superintendent’s little boy, addressing the blacksmith’s little boy, who had come over for a frolic, “we’ll play ‘Sabbath School.’  You give me a nickel every Sunday for six months, and then at Christmas I’ll give you a ten-cent bag of candy.”

When Lottie returned from her first visit to Sunday-school, she was asked what she had learned.

“God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh day,” was her version of the lesson imparted.

The teacher asked:  “When did Moses live?”

After the silence had become painful she ordered:  “Open your Old
Testaments.  What does it say there?”

A boy answered:  “Moses, 4000.”

“Now,” said the teacher, “why didn’t you know when Moses lived?”

“Well,” replied the boy, “I thought it was his telephone number,”—­Suburban Life.

“How many of you boys,” asked the Sunday-school superintendent, “can bring two other boys next Sunday?”

There was no response until a new recruit raised his hand hesitatingly.

“Well, William?”

“I can’t bring two, but there’s one little feller I can lick, and I’ll do my damnedest to bring him.”

SUPERSTITION

Superstition is a premature explanation overstaying its time.—­George Iles.

SURPRISE

“Where are you goin’, ma?” asked the youngest of five children.

“I’m going to a surprise party, my dear,” answered the mother.

“Are we all goin’, too?”

“No, dear.  You weren’t invited.”

After a few moments’ deep thought: 

“Say, ma, then don’t you think they’d be lots more surprised if you did take us all?”

SWIMMERS

Two negro roustabouts at New Orleans were continually bragging about their ability as long distance swimmers and a steamboat man got up a match.  The man who swam the longest distance was to receive $5.  The Alabama Whale immediately stripped on the dock, but the Human Steamboat said he had some business and would return in a few minutes.  The Whale swam the river four or five times for exercise and by that time the Human Steamboat returned.  He wore a pair of swimming trunks and had a sheet iron cook stove strapped on his back.  Tied around his neck were a dozen packages containing bread, flour, bacon and other eatables.  The Whale gazed at his opponent in amazement.

“Whar yo’ vittles?” demanded the Human Steamboat.

“Vittles fo’ what?” asked the Whale.

“Don’t yo’ ask me fo’ nothin’ on the way ovah,” warned the Steamboat.  “Mah fust stop is New York an’ mah next stop is London.”

SYMPATHY