The visitors smiled and a moment later the second sneeze—­which the Speaker was vainly trying to hold back—­came with increased violence.

“But, hark!” bawled the boy, “that heavy sound breaks in once more, and nearer, clearer, deadlier than before!  Arm! arm! it is—­it is—­the cannon’s opening roar!”

This was too much, and the laugh that broke from the party swelled to a roar when “Uncle Joe” chuckled:  “Put up yout weapons, children; I won’t shoot any more.”

SNOBBERY

Snobbery is the pride of those who are not sure of their position.

SNORING

Snore—­An unfavorable report from headquarters.—­Foolish Dictionary.

SOCIALISTS

Among the stories told of the late Baron de Rothschild is one which details how a “change of heart” once came to his valet—­an excellent fellow, albeit a violent “red.”

Alphonse was as good a servant as one would wish to employ, and as his socialism never got farther than attending a weekly meeting, the baron never objected to his political faith.  After a few months of these permissions to absent himself from duty, his employer noticed one week that he did not ask to go.  The baron thought Alphonse might have forgotten the night, but when the next week he stayed at home, he inquired what was up.

“Sir,” said the valet, with the utmost dignity, “some of my former colleagues have worked out a calculation that if all the wealth in France were divided equally per capita, each individual would be the possessor of two thousand francs.”

Then he stopped as if that told the whole story, so said the baron, “What of that?”

“Sir,” came back from the enlightened Alphonse, “I have five thousand francs now.”—­Warwick James Price.

SOCIETY

Smart Society is made up of the worldly, the fleshy, and the devilish.—­Harold Melbourne.

“What are her days at home?”

“Oh, a society leader has no days at home anymore.  Nowadays she has her telephone hours.”

Society consists of two classes, the upper and the lower.  The latter cultivates the dignity of labor, the former the labor of dignity.—­Punch.

  There was a young person called Smarty,
  Who sent out his cards for a party;
    So exclusive and few
    Were the friends that he knew
  That no one was present but Smarty.

SOLECISMS

A New York firm recently hung the following sign at the entrance of a large building:  “Wanted:  Sixty girls to sew buttons on the sixth floor.”

Reporters are obliged to write their descriptions of accidents hastily and often from meager data, and in the attempt to make them vivid they sometimes make them ridiculous; for example, a New York City paper a few days ago, in describing a collision between a train and a motor bus, said:  “The train, too, was filled with passengers.  Their shrieks mingled with the cries of the dead and the dying of the bus!”