“At the head of the class, eh?  Well, that’s a fine commentary on Yale University!”—­Howard Morse.

“Well, there were only three boys in school to-day who could answer one question that the teacher asked us,” said a proud boy of eight.

“And I hope my boy was one of the three,” said the proud mother.

“Well, I was,” answered Young Hopeful, “and Sam Harris and Harry Stone were the other two.”

“I am very glad you proved yourself so good a scholar, my son; it makes your mother proud of you.  What question did the teacher ask, Johnnie?”

“‘Who broke the glass in the back window?’”

Sammy’s mother was greatly distressed because he had such poor marks in his school work.  She scolded, coaxed, even promised him a dime if he would do better.  The next day he came running home.

“Oh, mother,” he shouted, “I got a hundred!”

“And what did you get a hundred in?”

“In two things,” replied Sammy without hesitation.  “I got forty in readin’ and sixty in spellin’.”

Who ceases to be a student has never been one.—­George Iles.

See also College students.

SCHOOLS

“Mamma,” complained little Elsie, “I don’t feel very well.”  “That’s too bad, dear,” said mother sympathetically.  “Where do you feel worst?”

“In school, mamma.”

SCIENTIFIC MANAGEMENT

The late Sylvanus Miller, civil engineer, who was engaged in railroad enterprise in Central America, was seeking local support for a road and attempted to give the matter point.  He asked a native: 

“How long does it take you to carry your goods to market by muleback?”

“Three days,” was the reply.

“There’s the point,” said Miller.  “With our road in operation you could take your goods to market and be back home in one day.”

“Very good, senor,” answered the native.  “But what would we do with the other two days?”

A visitor from New York to the suburbs said to his host during the afternoon: 

“By the way, your front gate needs repairing.  It was all I could do to get it open.  You ought to have it trimmed or greased or something.”

“Oh, no,” replied the owner “Oh, no, that’s all right.”

“Why is it?” asked the visitor.

“Because,” was the reply, “every one who comes through that gate pumps two buckets of water into the tank on the roof.”

SCOTCH, THE

A Scotsman is one who prays on his knees on Sunday and preys on his neighbors on week days.

It being the southerner’s turn, he told about a county in Missouri so divided in sentiment that year after year the vote of a single man prohibits the sale of liquor there.  “And what,” he asked, “do you suppose is the name of the chap who keeps a whole county dry?”