“How so?”

“Wa-al,” drawled the man, “we didn’t know what was going on in Chicago, of course.  But then, neither did Chicago folks know what was going on down here.”

PUBLIC SERVICE CORPORATIONS

The attorney demanded to know how many secret societies the witness belonged to, whereupon the witness objected and appealed to the court.

“The court sees no harm in the question,” answered the judge.  “You may answer.”

“Well, I belong to three.”

“What are they?”

“The Knights of Pythias, the Odd Fellows, and the gas company.”

“Yes, he had some rare trouble with his eyes,” said the celebrated oculist.  “Every time he went to read he would read double.”

“Poor fellow,” remarked the sympathetic person.  “I suppose that interfered with his holding a good position?”

“Not at all.  The gas company gobbled him up and gave him a lucrative job reading gas-meters.”

PUBLIC SPEAKERS

ORATOR—­“I thought your paper was friendly to me?”

EDITOR—­“So it is.  What’s the matter?”

ORATOR—­“I made a speech at the dinner last night, and you didn’t print a line of it.”

EDITOR—­“Well, what further proof do you want?”

TRAVELING LECTURER FOR SOCIETY (to the remaining listener)—­“I should like to thank you, sir, for so attentively hearing me to the end of a rather too long speech.”

LOCAL MEMBER OF SOCIETY—­“Not at all, sir.  I’m the second speaker.”

Ex-senator Spooner of Wisconsin says the best speech of introduction he ever heard was delivered by the German mayor of a small town in Wisconsin, where Spooner had been engaged to speak.

The mayor said: 

“Ladies und shentlemens, I haf been asked to indrotoose you to the Honorable Senator Spooner, who vill make to you a speech, yes.  I haf now done so; he vill now do so.”

“When I arose to speak,” related a martyred statesman, “some one hurled a base, cowardly egg at me and it struck me in the chest.”

“And what kind of an egg might that be?” asked a fresh young man.

“A base, cowardly egg,” explained the statesman, “is one that hits you and then runs.”

“Uncle Joe” Cannon has a way of speaking his mind that is sometimes embarrassing to others.  On one occasion an inexperienced young fellow was called upon to make a speech at a banquet at which ex-speaker Cannon was also present.

“Gentlemen,” began the young fellow, “my opinion is that the generality of mankind in general is disposed to take advantage of the generality of—­”

“Sit down, son,” interrupted “Uncle Joe.”  “You are coming out of the same hole you went in at.”

A South African tribe has an effective method of dealing with bores, which might be adopted by Western peoples.  This simple tribe considers long speeches injurious to the orator and his hearers; so to protect both there is an unwritten law that every public orator must stand on only one leg when he is addressing an audience.  As soon as he has to place the other leg on the ground his oration is brought to a close, by main force, if necessary.