—­Byron.

See also Bills.

PICKPOCKETS

See Thieves; Wives.

PINS

“Oh, dear!” sighed the wife as she was dressing for a dinner-party, “I can’t find a pin anywhere.  I wonder where all the pins go to, anyway?”

“That’s a difficult question to answer,” replied her husband, “because they are always pointed in one direction and headed in another.”

PITTSBURG

“How about that airship?”

“It went up in smoke.”

“Burned, eh?”

“Oh, no.  Made an ascension at Pittsburg.”

SKYBOUGH—­“Why have you put that vacuum cleaner in front of your airship?”

KLOUDLEIGH—­“To clear a path.  I have an engagement to sail over
Pittsburg.”

A man just back from South America was describing a volcanic disturbance.

“I was smoking a cigar before the door of my hotel,” said he, “when I was startled by a rather violent earthquake.  The next instant the sun was obscured and darkness settled over the city.  Looking in the direction of the distant volcano, I saw heavy clouds of smoke rolling from it, with an occasional tongue of flame flashing against the dark sky.

“Some of the natives about me were on their knees praying; others darted aimlessly about, crazed with terror and shouting for mercy.  The landlord of the hotel rushed out and seized me by the arm.

“‘To the harbor!’ he cried in my ear.

“Together we hurried down the narrow street.  As we panted along, the dark smoke whirled in our faces, and a dangerous shower of red-hot cinders sizzled about us.  Do you know, I don’t believe I was ever so homesick in all my life!”

“Homesick?” gasped the listener.  “Homesick at a time like that?”

“Sure.  I live in Pittsburg, you know.”

PLAY

The mother heard a great commotion, as of cyclones mixed up with battering-rams, and she hurried upstairs to discover what was the matter.  There she found Tommie sitting in the middle of the floor with a broad smile on his face.

“Oh, Mama,” said he delightedly, “I’ve locked Grandpa and Uncle George in the cupboard, and when they get a little angrier I am going to play Daniel in the lion’s den.”

PLEASURE

BILLY—­“Huh!  I bet you didn’t have a good time at your birthday party yesterday.”

WILLIE—­“I bet I did.”

BILLY—­“Then why ain’t you sick today?”

Winnie had been very naughty, and her mamma said:  “Don’t you know you will never go to Heaven if you are so naughty?”

After thinking a moment she said:  “Oh, well, I have been to the circus once and ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’ twice.  I can’t expect to go everywhere.”