KULTUR

HERR HAMMERSCHLEGEL (winding up the argument)—­“I think you iss a stupid fool!”

MONSIEUR—­“And I sink you a polite gentleman; but possible, is it, we both mistaken.”—­Life.

LABOR AND LABORING CLASSES

A farmer in great need of extra hands at haying time finally asked Si Warren, who was accounted the town fool, if he could help him out.

“What’ll ye pay?” asked Si.

“I’ll pay you what you’re worth,” answered the farmer.

Si scratched his head a minute, then answered decisively: 

“I’ll be durned if I’ll work for that!”

LADIES

See Etiquet; Woman.

LANDLORDS

An English tourist was sightseeing in Ireland and the guide had pointed out the Devil’s Gap, the Devil’s Peak, and the Devil’s Leap to him.

“Pat,” he said, “the devil seems to have a great deal of property in this district!”

“He has, sir,” replied the guide, “but, sure, he’s like all the landlords—­he lives in England!”

LANGUAGES

George Ade, with a fellow American, was traveling in the Orient, and his companion one day fell into a heated argument with an old Arab.  Ade’s friend complained to him afterward that although he had spent years in studying Arabic in preparation for this trip he could not understand a word that the native said.

“Never mind,” replied Ade consolingly.  “You see, the old duffer hasn’t a tooth in his head, and he was only talking gum-Arabic.”

Milton was one day asked by a friend whether he would instruct his daughters in the different languages.

“No, sir,” he said; “one tongue is sufficient for any woman.”

Prince Bismarck was once pressed by a certain American official to recommend his son for a diplomatic post.  “He is a very remarkable fellow,” said the proud father; “he speaks seven languages.”

“Indeed!” said Bismarck, who did not hold a very high opinion of linguistic acquirements.  “What a wonderful headwaiter he would make!”

LAUGHTER

TEACHER—­“Freddie, you musn’t laugh out loud in the schoolroom.”

FREDDIE—­“I didn’t mean to do it.  I was smiling, and the smile busted.”

  Laugh and the world laughs with you,
  Weep, and the laugh’s on you.

About the best and finest thing in this world is laughter.—­Anna Alice Chapin.

LAW

See Punishment.

LAWYERS

Ignorance of the law does not prevent the losing lawyer from collecting his bill.—­Puck.