Applicant has never been fatally sick.

Applicant’s brother who was an infant died when he was a mere child.

Mother’s last illness was caused from chronic rheumatism, but she was cured before death.

IRISHMEN

A Peoria merchant deals in “Irish confetti.”  We take it that he runs a brick-yard.—­Chicago Tribune.

Here are some words, concerning the Hibernian spoken by a New England preacher, Nathaniel Ward, in the sober year of sixteen hundred—­a spark of humor struck from flint.  “These Irish, anciently called ‘Anthropophagi,’ man-eaters, have a tradition among them that when the devil showed Our Savior all the kingdoms of the earth and their glory, he would not show Him Ireland, but reserved it for himself; it is probably true, for he hath kept it ever since for his own peculiar.”

An Irishman once lined up his family of seven giant-like sons and invited his caller to take a look at them.

“Ain’t they fine boys?” inquired the father.

“They are,” agreed the visitor.

“The finest in the world!” exclaimed the father.  “An’ I nivver laid violent hands on any one of ’em except in silf-difince.”—­Popular Magazine.

See also Fighting; Irish bulls.

IRREVERENCE

  There were three young women of Birmingham,
  And I know a sad story concerning ’em: 
    They stuck needles and pins
    In the reverend shins
  Of the Bishop engaged in confirming ’em.

  —­Gilbert K. Chesterton.

A few years ago Henry James reviewed a new novel by Gertrude Atherton.  After reading the review Mrs. Atherton wrote to Mr. James as follows: 

    “Dear Mr. James:  I have read with much pleasure your review of
    my novel.  Will you kindly let me know whether you liked it or
    not?”

    Sincerely,

    “GERTRUDE ATHERTON.”

JEWELS

  The girl with the ruby lips we like,
    The lass with teeth of pearl,
  The maid with the eyes like diamonds,
    The cheek-like-coral girl;
  The girl with the alabaster brow,
    The lass from the Emerald Isle. 
  All these we like, but not the jade
    With the sardonyx smile.

JEWS

What is the difference between a banana and a Jew?  You can skin the banana.

He was quite evidently from the country and he was also quite evidently a Yankee, and from behind his bowed spectacles he peered inquisitively at the little oily Jew who occupied the other half of the car seat with him.

The little Jew looked at him deprecatingly.  “Nice day,” he began politely.

“You’re a Jew, ain’t you?” queried the Yankee.

“Yes, sir, I’m a clothing salesman,” handing him a card.