“Snooks, visiting at a country house, was put in the haunted chamber for the night.  He said that he did not feel the slightest uneasiness, but nevertheless, just as a matter of precaution, he took to bed with him a revolver of the latest American pattern.

“He slept peacefully enough until the clock struck two, when he awoke with an unpleasant feeling of oppression.  He raised his head and peered about him.  The room was wanly illumined by the full moon, and in that weird, bluish light he thought he discerned a small, white hand clasping the rail at the foot of the bed.

“‘Who’s there?’ he asked tremulously.

“There was no reply.  The small white hand did not move.

“‘Who’s there?’ he repeated.  ‘Answer me or I’ll shoot.’

“Again there was no reply.

“Snooks cautiously raised himself, took careful aim and fired.

“From that night on he’s limped.  Shot off two of his own toes.”

GIFTS

When Lawrence Barrett’s daughter was married Stuart Robson sent a check for $5000 to the bridegroom.  The comedian’s daughter, Felicia Robson, who attended the wedding conveyed the gift.

“Felicia,” said her father upon her return, “did you give him the check?”

“Yes, Father,” answered the daughter.

“What did he say?” asked Robson.

“He didn’t say anything,” replied Miss Felicia, “but he shed tears.”

“How long did he cry?”

“Why Father, I didn’t time him.  I should say, however, that he wept fully a minute.”

“Fully a minute,” mused Robson.  “Why, Daughter, I cried an hour after I signed it.”

A church house in a certain rural district was sadly in need of repairs.  The official board had called a meeting of the parishioners to see what could be done toward raising the necessary funds.  One of the wealthiest and stingiest of the adherents of that church arose and said that he would give five dollars, and sat down.

Just then a bit of plastering fell from the ceiling and hit him squarely upon the head.  Whereupon he jumped up, looked confused and said:  “I—­er—­I meant I’ll give fifty dollars!” then again resumed his seat.

After a brief silence a voice was heard to say:  “O Lord, hit ’im again!”

He gives twice who gives quickly because the collectors come around later on and hit him for another subscription.—­Puck.

“Presents,” I often say, “endear Absents.”—­Charles Lamb.

In giving, a man receives more than he gives, and the more is in proportion to the worth of the thing given.—­George MacDonald.

See also Christmas gifts.

GLUTTONY

A clergyman was quite ill as a result of eating many pieces of mince pie.

A brother minister visited him and asked him if he was afraid to die.