“Ah,” said Tommy.  “I guess there’ll be other little Marys.”

FLOWERS

Lulu was watching her mother working among the flowers.  “Mama, I know why flowers grow,” she said; “they want to get out of the dirt.”

FOOD

A man went into a southern restaurant not long ago and asked for a piece of old-fashioned Washington pie.  The waiter, not understanding and yet unwilling to concede his lack of knowledge, brought the customer a piece of chocolate cake.

“No, no, my friend,” said the smiling man.  “I meant George Washington, not Booker Washington.”

One day a pastor was calling upon a dear old lady, one of the “pillars” of the church to which they both belonged.  As he thought of her long and useful life, and looked upon her sweet, placid countenance bearing but few tokens of her ninety-two years of earthly pilgrimage, he was moved to ask her, “My dear Mrs. S., what has been the chief source of your strength and sustenance during all these years?  What has appealed to you as the real basis of your unusual vigor of mind and body, and has been to you an unfailing comfort through joy and sorrow?  Tell me, that I may pass the secret on to others, and, if possible, profit by it myself.”

The old lady thought a moment, then lifting her eyes, dim with age, yet kindling with sweet memories of the past, answered briefly, “Victuals.”—­Sarah L. Tenney.

A girl reading in a paper that fish was excellent brain-food wrote to the editor: 

Dear Sir:  Seeing as you say how fish is good for the brains, what kind of fish shall I eat?

To this the editor replied: 

Dear Miss:  Judging from the composition of your letter I should advise you to eat a whale.

A hungry customer seated himself at a table in a quick-lunch restaurant and ordered a chicken pie.  When it arrived he raised the lid and sat gazing at the contents intently for a while.  Finally he called the waiter.

“Look here, Sam,” he said, “what did I order?”

“Chicken pie, sah.”

“And what have you brought me?”

“Chicken pie, sah.”

“Chicken pie, you black rascal!” the customer replied.  “Chicken pie?  Why, there’s not a piece of chicken in it, and never was.”

“Dat’s right, boss—­dey ain’t no chicken in it.”

“Then why do you call it chicken pie?  I never heard of such a thing.”

“Dat’s all right, boss.  Dey don’t have to be no chicken in a chicken pie.  Dey ain’t no dog in a dog biscuit, is dey?”

See also Dining.

FOOTBALL

His SISTER—­“His nose seems broken.”

His FIANCEE—­“And he’s lost his front teeth.”

His MOTHER—­“But he didn’t drop the ball!”—­Life.