“Before we were married you said you’d lay down your life for me,” she sobbed.

“I know it,” he returned solemnly; “but this confounded flat is so tiny that there’s no place to lay anything down.”

FLATTERY

With a sigh she laid down the magazine article upon Daniel O’Connell.  “The day of great men,” she said, “is gone forever.”

“But the day of beautiful women is not,” he responded.

She smiled and blushed.  “I was only joking,” she explained, hurriedly.

MAGISTRATE (about to commit for trial)—­“You certainly effected the robbery in a remarkably ingenious way; in fact, with quite exceptional cunning.”

PRISONER—­“Now, yer honor, no flattery, please; no flattery, I begs yer.”

OLD MAID—­“But why should a great strong man like you be found begging?”

WAYFARER—­“Dear lady, it is the only profession I know in which a gentleman can address a beautiful woman without an introduction.”

William ——­ was said to be the ugliest, though the most lovable, man in Louisiana.  On returning to the plantation after a short absence, his brother said: 

“Willie, I met in New Orleans a Mrs. Forrester who is a great admirer of yours.  She said, though, that it wasn’t so much the brillancy of your mental attainments as your marvelous physical and facial beauty which charmed and delighted her.”

“Edmund,” cried William earnestly, “that is a wicked lie, but tell it to me again!”

“You seem to be an able-bodied man.  You ought to be strong enough to work.”

“I know, mum.  And you seem to be beautiful enough to go on the stage, but evidently you prefer the simple life.”

After that speech he got a square meal and no reference to the woodpile.

      O, that men’s ears should be
  To counsel deaf, but not to flattery!

  —­Shakespeare.

FLIES

See Pure food.

FLIRTATION

It sometimes takes a girl a long time to learn that a flirtation is attention without intention.

“There’s a belief that summer girls are always fickle.”

“Yes, I got engaged on that theory, but it looks as if I’m in for a wedding or a breach of promise suit.”

A teacher in one of the primary grades of the public school had noticed a striking platonic friendship that existed between Tommy and little Mary, two of her pupils.

Tommy was a bright enough youngster, but he wasn’t disposed to prosecute his studies with much energy, and his teacher said that unless he stirred himself before the end of the year he wouldn’t be promoted.

“You must study harder,” she told him, “or you won’t pass.  How would you like to stay back in this class another year and have little Mary go ahead of you?”