There are two members of the mercantile world, they are munching some sandwiches, you see, but it is merely for the sake of keeping up appearances; as I can assure you, from my own personal knowledge, that they have no digestive organs whatever.  As for myself, I am a schoolmaster.  I have been a hard student all my life, at school and at college, and moreover I have had a natural sympathy with my fellow-men, and so I am blessed with a brain and heart entire.  But see here.”  And he lifted up his cloak, and lo! underneath, a skeleton, save just here!  “See, here are the limbs I never used, and therefore they have deserted me.  All the solace I now have consists in teaching the young children to avoid a similar doom.  I sometimes show them what I have shown you.  I labor hard to convince them that most assuredly the same misfortune will befall them which has happened to me and to all the grown-up inhabitants; but even then, I grieve to say, I cannot always succeed.  Many believe that they will be lucky enough to escape, and some of the grown-up inhabitants pad themselves, and so cheat the poor children into the belief that they are all right, though all the elder ones know better.  You will now perceive the reason why all the gentlemen you see wear such tight pantaloons, they pretend that it is fashionable, but in reality it is in order to prevent their false legs from tumbling out.  Surely my case is miserable enough; my only hope consists in the idea of educating the rising generation to do better.  No doubt it is easy to persuade them to do so in the country from which you come, but I assure you,” added he with a heartfelt sigh, “that it is sometimes very hard to do so here.  Nearly all of us, then, have lost something of our bodies.  Some have no head, some no legs, some no heart, and so on; the less a man has lost, the higher he ranks in the social scale; and our Aristocracy, the governing body, consists of the few individuals who have used all their faculties, and therefore now possess them all.”

At this moment a dreadful earthquake broke out, and an extempore volcano shot the gentleman who had listened to this interesting, narration right up to the crust of the earth again, and by a strange and fortunate chance shot him up into the very hole which he had been digging, and he discovered himself lying down at the bottom of the hole, feeling just as if he had awakened from a dream; and to his surprise, heard distinctly the voice of his wife crying out from the top, “Come, come, dear, you’re very late, and supper is getting quite cold!”

The name of the country of Skitzland translated into the vulgar tongue is the planet earth, and America is one of the portions thereof.  If we were to look round in a circuit of a hundred miles, how many of the Skitzland aristocracy should we find, think you?  What a dropping off of limbs and features there would be, if the letter of the law of Skitzland were carried out!  But it is absolutely certain