“That is one thing where the States are away ahead of us—­in their illustrated magazines.”

“Don’t say ‘the States!’ I’ve told you before.  I didn’t know you ever admitted that anything was better in America.”

Reggie only smiled affably.  He ignored my offer of battle, and said: 

“Abingdon is asking your sister to dine.  I’m asked, and Freddie and his wife, and I think you will enjoy it.”

When they were all gone I marched downstairs to Mrs. Black without saying a word to any one.  When I came up I found my sister hanging over the banisters.

“What is the matter?  What have you done?  I knew you were angry by the way you looked.”

“It was lovely!” I said.  “I sent for Mrs. Black, and said, ’Mrs. Black, do you know the name of the gentleman whom you asked to wipe his shoes to-day?’ ‘No,’ said she.  ‘It was the Duke of Abingdon,’ I said, sternly, well knowing the unspeakable reverence which the middle-class English have for a title.  She turned purple.  She fell back against the wall, muttering, ’The Duke of Abingdon!  The Duke of Abingdon!’ I believe she is still leaning up against the wall muttering that holy name.  A title to Mrs. Black!”

The next day both the Tabbies were curtsying in the hall when we started out.  We were going on a coach to Richmond with Julia and her husband, and another American girl, and then Julia’s husband was going to row us up the Thames to Hampton Court for tea, and they were all going to dine with us at Scott’s when we got home.

It was a lovely day.  The trees were a mass of bloom, and everybody ought to have enjoyed himself.  We were having a very good time of it among ourselves reading the absurd signs, until we noticed the three girls who sat opposite to us.  They had serious faces, and long, consumptive teeth, which they never succeeded in completely hiding.  I knew just how they would look when they were dead; I knew that those two long front teeth would still—­ They listened to all we said without a flicker of the eyelashes.  Occasionally they looked down at the size of the American girl’s little feet and then involuntarily drew their own back out of sight.

Presently I espied a sign, “Funerals, for this week only, at half price.”  I seized Julia’s hand.  “Stop, oh, stop the coach and let’s get a funeral!  We may never have an opportunity to get a bargain in funerals again.  And the sale lasts only one week.  Everybody told me before I came away to get what I wanted at the moment I saw it; not to wait, thinking I would come back.  So unless we order one now we may have to pay the full price.  And a funeral would be such a good investment; it would keep forever.  You’d never feel like using it before you actually needed it.  Do let me get one now!”

Of course, Julia, my sister, and Julia’s husband were in gales of laughter; but what finished me off was to see three serious creatures opposite rise as if pulled by one string, look in an anxious way at me and then at the sign, while the teeth began to say to each other:  “What did she say?  What does she mean?  What does she want a funeral for?”