H. of D. Oh, don’t mention it, PINCHER.  Give me a look up on Tuesday evening, at home.  You know my little place at Peckham.  My good lady’ll give you a little music.

Pincher.  Ah, I’ve a good deal of influence in that line.  Now, if there’s anything Mrs. SCROOP might fancy—­I know “perks” are not in your line, but the ladies, my boy, the ladies!

H. of D. (laughing).  You will have your joke, PINCHER.  Well, oddly enough, the Missis was only saying last night she wanted a new piano—­one of BROADWOOD’s grands, for choice—­and if you—­

Pincher (mysteriously).  Leave it to me, my dear Sir, leave it to me.  If Mrs. SCROOP isn’t satisfied by this day week, why—­never give me another line.  Ha! ha! Good day, Mr. SCROOP!

    [Exit, chuckling.

* * * * *

ROBERT’S RETURN TO THE CITY.

I’ve bin jolly cumferal lately at the Grand Hotel, as ewerybody in fac seems to be, for they cums in a smilin with hope, and gos away smilin with satisfacshun, and with the thorow conwicshun of soom cumming again, and sum on ’em says to me, says they, “Oh rewor!  Mr. ROBERT!” and others says, “Oh Plezzeer!  Mr. ROBERT!” which both means, as my yung French frend tells me, “Here’s to our nex merry meeting!” but that sounds more like a parting Toast with a bumper of good old Port to drink it in, but I dezzay as he’s right.  But larst week I receeves a most prumptery order from the LORD MARE, “to cum back to the City, if it were ony for a week.”  So in coarse back I cums, and a grand sort of a week we has all had on it!  I shall fust begin with a reglar staggerer of a dinner at the Manshun House on Munday, given, as I was told, to all the Horthers and Hartists of Urope, who had jest bin a holding of a Meeting to let ewerybody kno as how as they ment for to have their rites in their hone ritings and picters, or they woodn’t rite no more, nor paint no more!

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My prefound estonishment may be more heasily described than conseeved when I says as they was amost all Forreners of warious countries! so that when I handed anythink werry speshal to sum on ’em they would shake their heds and say, “No mercy!” or “Nine darnker!” as the case mite be.

Well, so much for Monday.  On Toosday I spent nearly the hole day at Gildhall in surveyin, and criticisin, hay, and in one case, acshally tasting the wundrus collecshun of all kinds and condishuns of Frute that the hole Country can perduce, that had been colleckted there!  I wunders how many of the tens of thousands who came to Gildhall to see the temting sight, can say the same.  But ewery wise perducer of heatables or drinkables allus tries to captiwate the good opinyon of a Hed Waiter.  The hidear jest ocurs to my mind to ask at about what part of the next Sentry the County Counsil will be a dewoting of their time and money to a similar usefool purpuss!  And hecco